Archives for December 2019

2019 Recap – What Went Down

December 31, 2019 by tanya

It wouldn’t be right to move into 2020 without a brief recap of what went down in 2019.

Debt-Free Decision

I decided to commit to getting debt free and taking the steps – the baby steps – toward accomplishing that. With the amount of debt that I have, it may be a long road, but I took the first step. I came to terms with the severity of my situation and decided to do something about it. With this decision, I took a position of control. As an example of how out of control things were, earlier in the year, I was so disorganized that I paid $957 in overdraft fees during the period of January through June. That’s insane – $957! But, I turned over a new leaf.

New Awareness

In addition to acknowledging my tsunami situation, I also became aware that I have an “operating system” (this is what my coach calls it) that is keeping me from earning and building wealth at the level at which I’d like. This means that I have some mindset/limiting beliefs issues that need to be addressed. Since mindset is everything when it comes to success in any endeavor, I will be focused intently on fixing this in 2020.

This means that I have some mindset/limiting beliefs issues that need to be addressed.
~ Single Girl

Romance of a Different Kind

In 2019, I dated in a way that I hadn’t before. Dating Mr. Nice For Now offered consistent companionship and fun dating, without the requirements that I would typically impose on myself if I had the title of “Girlfriend.” That suited me in 2019, but won’t suit me, moving forward.

Ate Some Stuff I Wanted to Eat

I’ve written about being on a very restricted diet. I wrote about how being on a restricted diet and a restricted budget were quite challenging. In late November, I started researching some different eating plans and started experimenting in early December. By the middle of December, I decided that I was going to eat the stuff that I had cut out of my diet for the prior 3 years. I hadn’t had chicken, dairy or regular (i.e. non-gluten-free) bread in over 3 years. I was over it! I’ll write more about this in a later post, but, suffice it to say, I went HAM on the food and had a great time doing it.

The Budgeting Habit

For years, budgeting has been that thing that I wanted to do (and knew I should do), but didn’t actually end up doing consistently. Dave Ramsey says that it takes about 3 months to get the swing of things with budgeting. I’ve now been doing it consistently (albeit with errors and oversights) for 6 months. I can now say that I’ve developed the budgeting habit. Taking the time to prepare a budget and allocate how funds will be spent throughout the month is such a helpful process – one that I’ve come to really value and consider a critical part of my financial life.

Debt Payoff

Despite not being intentional or focused during the first half of the year, I reduced my total debt by $22,959 in 2019. If I include the Federal and state taxes I owed for 2018 (which didn’t make my debt snowball because I paid them off the month after they were due) and the loan I got from my mom for our family trip, I reduced my debt by a total of $28,610.

Despite not being intentional or focused during the first half of the year, I reduced my total debt by $22,959 in 2019.
~ Single Girl

What makes me most proud about last year is that it is the year in which I started along the road of what I know will be a hugely transformational journey. A life-altering journey. That’s not to sound dramatic; I really believe it to be true.

Goodbye, 2019.

The Manscape – December 2019

December 30, 2019 by tanya

There was a good bit of dude activity this month. I didn’t expect so much to happen over the last 30 days, but it was nice to get out and have some memorable experiences . . . and a couple of surprises.

Whole Foods Joker

The “Make Up”

Last month, Whole Foods Joker and I got off to a bad start and I ended up flipping out on him. Where we left off was him saying that he wanted to make up for his “we missed each other” excuse for his no call, no show shenanigans for the first date we had scheduled. Well, he did what he said he would do. A couple of days after he said that he would set up the spa visit for me, I received a text from him telling me to go ahead and book my massage at the hotel spa that was my preferred choice.

When I called the hotel, they were expecting my call. The representative at the hotel mentioned that Whole Foods Joker had actually gone into the hotel to make arrangements for the service. This is notable because he took the time and effort to physically do to the hotel (it’s not near his side of town), choose the longer vs. shorter massage offered and pay for it. I appreciated him doing this. After booking the appointment, I sent him the following message:

I scheduled my appointment. It is not lost on me that you physically went to the hotel to make arrangements. Like I said, I really respect people’s times, so I want you to know that I acknowledge and appreciate both your time and effort. It appears that you really meant what you said.

His response: Thanks and it won’t happen again. I appreciate you to the max and we just met. You reminded me of a principle that I live by, which is no excuses, no matter what the circumstances when it’s humanly possible! So far I really like you and I have a strong feeling that we’re going to become great friends.

The Birthday

Later that week, I celebrated my birthday. Whole Foods Joker forgot to reach out to me on that day, even though we previously discussed it. After my birthday passed and we were texting, he asked me about getting together during the upcoming weekend. When I mentioned that I had birthday plans for the weekend, he immediately became apologetic for forgetting to reach out to me the day before (my actual birthday). He noted that we had spoken about my birthday a couple of times, so he felt that he was definitely remiss for not remembering to say anything to me on the actual day. “I’ll have to make it up to you again,” he said.

The next day, I got a call from one of the receptionists at my business club stating that they had “something” there for me.

“Is this something I need to come and pick up today?” I asked.

“I would,” she responded.

He sent the bouquet of flowers pictured above.

A Lovely Surprise

Right before Christmas, Whole Foods Joker took me to lunch at my favorite high-end Thai restaurants. It was a cool, relaxed and pleasant lunch. While there, he said that, though he doesn’t want to push in any way, he does like me and wants to continue our communication and interaction.

He also asked me if I would feel uncomfortable if he gave me a Christmas gift. Totally surprised that he got me a gift, I told him the truth. “I love gifts,” I said. “I’m happy to receive it if you don’t mind that I didn’t get a Christmas gift for you.” He assured me that he wasn’t at all concerned about me not having gotten him a gift.

The gift was nicely wrapped in a Saks Fifth Avenue box. I opened it to find a bottle of Kilian’s Good Girl Gone Bad perfume in a beautiful white case with a gold serpent’s head on it. I had previously never heard of that perfume, but I love how it smells. It smells fancy and sophisticated. It is now the most expensive bottle of perfume that I have.

In addition to the perfume, he made a peach cobbler for me to share with my family on Christmas. I thought that was very nice of him.

One more thing: he mentioned that he has tickets to the Babyface concert in March and invited me to be his date for the show. I told him that I would. At this point, I think it would be fair to modify his name from Whole Foods Joker to simply Whole Foods.

Jameson

On the heels of the cabin trip we did last month, Jameson and I had another wonderful experience this month. About a week prior to my birthday, he asked me to provide him with a few date and time windows during which I’d be able to do some sort of mystery “activity.”

They mystery activity ended up being a helicopter tour over the city! I was sooooooo excited about it, once we pulled up to the airplane for the private jets, I was delighted that I’ve had the chance to experience something I’ve never experienced.

He knows that I love experiences, and he provided a great one that I really enjoyed and appreciated.

After the ride, we went and indulged in Cadillac margaritas and Mexican food.

Basketball Ex

I got another tremendous birthday surprise when my ex, with whom I haven’t spoken in years, reached out to me. First, I saw a missed call from him on my phone. Then, I saw an email from him. I could tell from the email address he used to reach me that he Googled me to find my contact information.

Basketball Ex is 6’7”, gorgeous (at least he was when I was with him) and used to play professional basketball overseas. His basketball career ended a couple of years before we got together.

When we caught up with each other on the phone, he seemed excited to be talking. I was excited, too. It had been a long time since we had a conversation. A girlfriend of mine ran into him at the gym a couple of years ago. And my mom ran into him at Best Buy a few years back, as well. I haven’t seen him since we broke up about 12 years ago.

He shared that he married and is recently divorced. In addition to the child he had before we got together, he now has 2 more, including a 2-year old. We caught up on how he was doing and how I’ve been over the years. We reminisced and laughed about the great times we had when we were together.

My favorite parts of the conversation were the ones where he expressed his regret over how he handled our relationship – how stupid he had been when we were together (it feels good when they recognize their foolishness, right?). He said that, though he’s been married, he hasn’t been in love any woman since he’d was in love with me. “I should have married you when I had the chance,” he said. Yes, he should have, for his sake. For mine, however, it’s a good thing he didn’t.

He asked if we could stay in touch, possibly get together in person and be friends. Of course. I have no ill feelings toward him and no regrets when it comes to our relationship. He was never a bad guy to begin with and it sounds like he’s grown even more spiritually and mentally. I’ve grown as well. The energy between us is good.

He also stated that he was hopeful that we could possibly see how things might work for us again romantically. I don’t see that happening, but I never say never even if I believe it’s a never situation. He sent me a “Good morning” text on each of the 2 days that followed my birthday. I haven’t heard from him since. That doesn’t surprise me. I think he expected me to be eager about the prospect of possibly getting back together. I was polite, but I don’t think I gave off the “I’m interested” vibe.

Cigar Bar

One portion of the botanical garden display.

Last month, I went to a fraternity event at a local cigar bar. A law school friend of mine is a member of the fraternity and he invites me to their functions. I didn’t feel like going, but a girlfriend of mine has recently been lamenting her lack of male action attention and wanted me to take her along to the event.

There is no shortage of men in a cigar bar. You know how you go somewhere, you see a bunch of guys in the room, but there’s that one in there that you really want to approach you? The one guy in the whole place that you want? That’s who this guy was. I danced with, made eye contact with, or had flirty exchanges with a few other guys, but this was the cutie pie that I’d hoped would ask me to dance or start talking to me. (As a general rule, I don’t approach men, however, I do try to make sure that I’m very approachable so that they feel comfortable talking to me.) Later in the evening he initiated a conversation, we danced, and we exchanged numbers.

A couple of weeks later, we went on great date at a nice restaurant in the city. After we finished the dinner portion of the date, he suggested that we go to the bar and have another drink. Later that week he made arrangements with me for our next date.

He’s a good-looking guy and I like his style. Our conversation flowed well during dinner. He was thorough and seemed very genuine when responding to my questions. He was good about throwing them back my way, but not as good about initiating his own. I don’t make much of that because many great guys aren’t so good at that.

Our 2nd date was last night. We went to see the holiday light display at the botanical garden. It was gorgeous!

My favorite part of the botanical garden exhibit – lights synchronized to music.

Everything was great until the end. When we were giving each other a goodbye hug, I expected him to initiate a kiss. Instead, he asked me for a “night cap.” We’re the same age, so the use of the term “nightcap” was interesting to me. I associate it with old people and The Love Boat.

“What does a nightcap entail?” I asked.

“It would be me coming to your place or you coming to mine . . .”

I didn’t listen to the rest of the explanation. I smiled and politely said, “Not tonight.”

We ended up texting a little bit after we left one another. He said that he went to a lounge that he’d been wanting to visit. He was still there while we were texting. At around 1:43 a.m. the texts stopped. I’m thinking he was looking for someone to handle his nightcap desires for the evening, since I didn’t oblige. It’ll be interesting to see if he asks me out again and how long it takes him to do that.

Mr. Nice For Now

Mr. Nice for Now has been overseas for about 5 weeks. He returns on New Year’s Eve. He’s been pretty consistent in communicating with me via What’s App while he’s been gone. I was surprised by that, but my friends were not. Though I didn’t expect him to totally go MIA, I didn’t expect him to reach out to me more often while he was away than he does when he’s here. It’s a smart move on his part – making sure to remain in consistent contact. It demonstrates that he’s thinking ahead. Some guys get distracted and get sparse with their communication. Then, when they decide to step up their interaction again, they think that the woman is going to think nothing of his negligent behavior.

While he’s been gone, I’ve thought about our situation and what I’d like to do about it. Though it suited my purposes for awhile, I don’t think it suits them any longer. Apparently it is serving his purposes because we’ve never spoken about making it any more than what it is. Spending time with someone who I know isn’t a good match for me long-term and with whom I don’t have the best chemistry isn’t working for me anymore. I can direct that time and energy elsewhere. I realize that operating consistently – and we’ve been seeing each other consistently for almost 11 months – with what is “nice for now,” but not what I really want, is sending the wrong message to my subconscious. What I should be focused on is what I truly want, not a temporary placeholder. I mean no disrespect with that statement. It’s just fact. What I should really be focused on is Vortexy Next Dude.

The Bulldozer

The Bulldozer is a platonic friend, so my relationship with him doesn’t qualify as one that should be included in the These Dudes category. Nonetheless, I mention my experiences and relationship with him because he is a man who has consistently been in my life and has been an important part of it. I value his friendship. In the same way that a father can show his daughter how she should be treated by men, my relationship with my male friends, including The Bulldozer, reinforces some of the ways I should be treated by the men in my life.

What I also appreciate is how, as a friend, he has exposed me to experiences that have been impactful in my life. Though the number of times that we have physically been in the same space is very limited (about 5 times in the last 7 years), the experiences we’ve had have been very positive for me as a woman. What I mean by that is that his he’s provided experiences for me, as his friend, that some women don’t get from men with whom they are romantically involved. It is helpful for a lady’s psyche and confidence when she has consistent positive experiences with great men – whether on a platonic or romantic level.

I’d been looking forward to our Vegas trip and it did not disappoint! The Bulldozer wouldn’t tell me much by way of details prior to my arrival, other than that the room he booked for us came with a concierge and that a driver would be at the airport to meet me.

I received a text indicating that the driver was there at the airport. He helped me get my suitcase from the baggage claim and proceeded to walk me to the stretch Cadillac limousine that he’d be using to take me to the Aria.

The room was amazing (see pics below)! We had a great time in Vegas. While in the room, we enjoyed chatting and joking with each other. We also got the chance to rest a bit (i.e., we didn’t want to exhaust ourselves by running around the hotel and the city nonstop).

To show some appreciation without breaking the bank, I had to campaign to get my mom to give me a bottle of Hennessy Pure White that she bought when we were on our of our overseas trips (we get the Pure White because it’s a liquor item that is very difficult to find in the United States). I also went to a high-end cigar shop and bought him 2 cigars for him to smoke with one of his buddies. (If you’re ever looking for a gift that appears to be high-end, but isn’t necessarily so, a cigar is a great option. This is especially true if you buy it from a fancy store that will put it in a nice bag or wrapping paper. They generally start as low as $10. Even for a man who doesn’t or rarely smokes, it is something he can have for special occasions. I’ve found cigars to be something that most guys can appreciate.)

My flight arrived about 12 hours prior to The Bulldozer’s, so I had a good bit of time to do with as I pleased. I had to get a couple of emails out to clients, then I hung out with a college classmate of mine who lives in Vegas. We planted ourselves in the Aria lobby, catching up, reminiscing, laughing and drinking. It was a great time!

Both of us were IN LOVE with the suite we had (you know how I feel about hotels!). In. Love. Not only did it have 2 full bedrooms, 2 full bathrooms (each with an independent bathtub, full closet and separate steam shower), it also had a toilet room with a heated toilet. After sitting on the warm seat, one could spray one’s front or back, and could have the water oscillate while spraying such front or back area. Then, you could turn the dryer on to get rid of the wetness. This toilet was well beyond any bidet I had ever experienced! I want one now.

The Bulldozer and I ordered room service for breakfast in our living room every morning. We went to Top Golf, had the most awesomest sea bass, king crab leg, calamari and steak dinner at Jean Georges Steakhouse, and saw the Jabbawockeez show. We had a blast! We agreed that the experience was great for both of us and for our friendship.

The Power Of The Flip Out

December 13, 2019 by tanya

I first learned this lesson while dating in my 20s. When it comes to dealing with men, sometimes you have to flip the fuck out. I mean you must fully come out of your normally cool and calm demeanor and let your inner firecracker loose. You do it for two reasons: (1) to make a point about what you will not allow and (2) to demonstrate that, should the unallowable continue, you’ll have to walk away. The overarching message is that you’re willing to let him go – so much so – that you’ll communicate with him in a manner that he may not deem to be demure or attractive. And you don’t care what he thinks about it.

Didn’t they tell you that I was a savage?
Fuck your white horse and a carriage
~ Rihanna, Needed Me , Roc Nation, 2014

A few nights ago, I went out with Whole Foods Joker. Not only did he redeem himself by “making up” for his scheduling snafu by getting me a massage at a 5-star hotel spa (more on that in this month’s Manscape report), but he also took us to one of the finer dining establishments in the city for our first date.

During dinner, he did a whole lot more talking than I did. That’s part of my dating style. I pay attention and I listen well. Men will say a lot if a woman learns to be quiet and listen without judgment. Key words: “quiet” and “without judgment”. You can judge him in your mind, but the more you keep your mouth shut about it in the initial phases, the more you’ll get to learn about who he really is and what he thinks. Once you sprinkle on your judgement, you risk getting the censored, not as authentic version of him.

The conversation got particularly interesting when we recounted the discussion we had, where I pretty much went bananas on his ass. Remember? When he neglected to let me know where we were going to meet for our first scheduled date (effectively, a no-call, no-show), he tried to suggest that we missed each other. What he should have done was acknowledge that he had totally dropped the ball. Instead of being “nice” and conceding to what I knew wasn’t true, I told him that it was unacceptable for him to act as if I had something to do with us not getting together. I reminded him that he was the one who told me that we would communicate prior to the time of the date in order to establish the location. I told him that failing to follow through on a date, then not reaching out about it until 2 days after the scheduled date was behavior that was not at all in line with all of what he had been saying to me about how badly he wanted to go out with me and get to know me. I very plainly told him that these were the shenanigans of a teenager, not a middle-aged man. Not making a date or having to cancel a date is not an issue. I’m busy. People are busy. Things come up. I get that and I have no problem with that. But, failing to call or text or anything, then having the audacity to try to partially blame it on me is thoroughly intolerable.

By the end of the conversation, he came to his senses. He stopped being defensive and admitted that he “blew it.” He apologized profusely and asked for another chance. I agreed. Here’s the text message he sent when we got off the phone.

Hello pretty lady. Just wanted to thank you for your understanding and forgiveness. The way you took over was amazing and I loved it! I’m not making any predictions, but damn, I like your feisty, classy style!! Lol.
~ Text Message, Whole Foods Joker

At dinner, he shared some of the aftermath of that conversation. He said that when he got off the phone with me that day, he said to himself, “That was awesome! I gotta learn more about this chick.” Another word he used to describe it was “refreshing.” I asked him what about the exchange was refreshing. He said it was refreshing to him because people “don’t do that to him.”

“People don’t check me,” he explained. Having learned a bit about him by that time in the dinner, I made some inferences about him. Based on my experience with guys like him – men who are attractive, who appear to have some money, and who have confidence – he’s right, they don’t get “checked” very often. Many of them are accustomed to women being tolerant of whatever they do because of the women’s desire to potentially have a romantic relationship with them.

He was dead wrong in his behavior, he knew he was wrong, and I called him out on it. Even though he tried, at one point, to convince me that I was being rude in telling him about his behavior, he admitted at our dinner that I was firm, but reasonable in how I told him off.

This is not an unusual response. I’ve generally gotten positive responses from men when I’ve communicated to them that something they’ve done is unacceptable. Or, if I’ve affirmed a standard of treatment that I expect. One might think that a guy would get upset or totally turned off after being confronted about poor behavior. But, I’ve experienced the opposite.

Whole Foods isn’t the only guy who responded this way in the pre-dating or early dating stages – where the guy did something unacceptable like a no-call, no-show. When I was in my 20s, one guy and I had a date scheduled and he called a couple of hours after the scheduled time of date, acting as if nothing had happened. I proceeded to tell him that I don’t “tolerate that shit from anyone in my life.” He was a good-looking guy who happened to drive a $100,000 BMW and seemed to have no trouble attracting women. After my little spaz out, he was very apologetic, asking for another chance to get together. To make it up, he said, “Lemme take you shopping. Let me get you something.” I liked him and wanted to get to know him, so I let him schedule another date and “get me something.” We ended up dating for several months. He was a great guy and I enjoyed him. I still think very fondly of him.

Guys know when they’ve done something that was out of line, rude or thoughtless. Though they’ll, initially, act as if they did nothing wrong – or worse – try to make it seem like the mishap is the woman’s fault, they know deep down that they acted improperly. When a woman has the courage to stand behind her standards and require that a man either take ownership of his actions or leave her alone, the guy respects that. He appreciates being with a woman who isn’t a pushover – who isn’t so enamored with him that she has lost all sense of how she should be treated.

He appreciates being with a woman who isn’t a pushover – who isn’t so enamored with him that she has lost all sense of how she should be treated.
~ Single Girl

People appreciate boundaries. They may not like them, but they respect the person who has them and stands behind them. Men are no different when it comes to how they view a woman. This is one thing I know, from experience, to be true.

I also think I’m pretty good at the flip out. I’ve identified 3 key things about a flip out in order for it to be effective:

(1) It Must Be Rational

When I say “flip out,” I’m not referring to someone being unreasonable or outrageous. You can’t engage in uncontrollable rage-filled, nonsensical squealing. Instead, you must speak facts. “You said X; you did Y. I expected X because you said X, therefore . . . you done fucked up. And that doesn’t work for me.” The tone of the conversation needs to be somewhat matter-of-fact, even though you may be mad as hell. It cannot be about you just spewing comments about your feelings. You also can’t make sweeping generalizations suggesting that he “always” does or “never” does something. It also can’t become a game of name-calling, as if he’s some all around loser. The conversation needs to focus on this particular indiscretion and how his handling of this particular matter is not acceptable.

(2) It Can’t Be A Pattern

In other words, it can’t be that you spaz out all the time over everything. He must already believe you to, generally, be a level-headed, reasonable woman. If you fuss over every little misstatement or error he makes, your flip out will come across as your typical behavior and it won’t be noteworthy. You should be a delightful woman to be around . . . until you’re not.

(3) He Has to Be Attracted to You

I hate to say this, but it’s the truth. If he’s not that into you, your flip out will fall on deaf ears and he’ll view your behavior as just another reason for why he doesn’t really want you. The flip out works best with the man who wants you and is interested in somehow staying connected to you. If you’ve been pursuing this man (i.e., initiating calls and texts or asking him when you’ll see him, instead of waiting for him to ask you out), flipping out on him when he does something disrespectful will likely have the opposite of your desired effect. That’s why I didn’t reach out to Whole Foods Joker when he missed our original date. I waited until he reached out to me a couple of days later – a time when he was seeking out my attention and conversation. If I had called him that Saturday (the day of our scheduled date) to express my disappointment, he probably would have been less receptive to what I was saying because he wasn’t in active pursuit of me at that time. He also admitted at our dinner that one reason he continued to pursue me was that he was really attracted to me and didn’t want to lose the opportunity to get to know me. If a man has only a lukewarm level of interest in you and you reach out to him when he’s not pursuing you, establishing boundaries is useless.

The bottom line is this: the flip out resets people’s boundaries of who they believe you are. It lets them know that, despite what they think they know about you, you can and will become ferocious if need be. Disrespect will not be tolerated.

When was your last flip out? And what was the result?

It’s My Birthday!

December 11, 2019 by tanya

Another year of life . . . another reason to be grateful.

I’m not, generally, a big birthday person. I don’t proclaim that I’ll be celebrating each day of my birthday month. Although I love, love, love gifts, I’m not the type to be fussy if I don’t get them or don’t get nice ones.

When it comes to milestone birthdays, however, I might do a little sumpthin’. For my golden birthday (my 11th) my mom got me a limousine for my friends to hang out. My 16th birthday was a business venture for me; I had a big birthday party at the convention center of my home town. I got a small loan from my parents, hired the hottest DJ in the city at the time, and charged other teenagers to get in. I paid my parents back in cash the night of the party and pocketed my profits.

My 21st birthday was fairly low-key; my college roommate and I went to Benihana for dinner. My 30th – also uneventful – so uneventful that I cannot recall what was done (that’s a shame). My 40th birthday was a different story. Twenty-one friends and family members celebrated with me in Playa del Carmen, Mexico. For my 40th, I was dating a man who was financially well-off, so I didn’t have to concern myself with the cost. In fact, for two of my prior birthdays, he took me out of the country. Being in another land is always my preference at this time of the year. I’d like my 45th birthday to be another overseas extravaganza, but we’ll have to see how that goes.

Whether my international soiree occurs for my 45th birthday will likely depend on where I am in my debt free journey and where I am romantically. So, like I said, I’m not someone who always makes a big deal out of my birthday, but I might do a little somethin’.

This year, my mom’s taking me to my favorite restaurant for dinner (remember the one that serves the amazing octopus?). Jameson is taking me to a mystery “activity” at the end of the week. I love surprises, so I’m all the way down with dealing with the unexpected. The Bulldozer got us a 2 bedroom/4 bathroom suite with concierge at the Aria for our Vegas trip; he said that the dope suite is part of my birthday present. I’ll take it. My homegirl paid for my ticket to a concert that she, myself and another college friend of ours will be attending in March.

Other than that, I expect to hear from friends and family via text, Facebook, or call throughout the day. Whatever happens, I’ll be happy.

If you’re a fellow Sagittarius, enjoy your birthday this month! Let’s celebrate another year of lives! Xoxoxo

Making Sense of Auto (and Other) Insurance

December 9, 2019 by tanya

It’s that time of year. Decisions need to be made. In my last post, I wrote about health insurance (particularly for a self-employed person). Open enrollment is in full effect, so health insurance policy decisions need to be made quickly – before December 15, 2019.

I have other insurance policies that are up for renewal at the beginning of the year. Since I’m being particularly diligent about my finances, I think it important to re-evaluate each of these policies before they renew for 2020. If you’re doing the same thing that I’m doing, maybe this will be worthwhile information as you consider your options. Maybe not. In any case, I thought I’d share.

In addition to my health insurance, I have 6 other types of insurance:

Auto Insurance Coverage
Homeowners Insurance
Umbrella Insurance
Professional Liability Insurance
Disability Insurance
Life Insurance

My Insurance Philosophy

Given my financial situation, I think this is a lot of policies. Between me, personally, and the business, this presents a significant amount of money being spent on premiums.

Of course, I don’t want to spend any more money than I need to, but I want to make sure that I’m adequately covered in the event that something unexpected happens. As Chris Rock says, I need coverage “in case shit.” In other words, I feel like it would be imprudent of me to not have these coverages. For example, in my state an attorney doesn’t have to have professional liability insurance. But, like with any profession, mistakes happen. Do I really want to get slammed with some hefty payment unexpectedly? Not really. Though I’ve never had a claim (or even a complaint) filed against me, I don’t want to take the risk of not having any protection in the event that something goes wrong.

A foundational concern for me is undue surprise. I’m already dealing with random expenses that come up with respect to my home and business. I also only have a “baby” emergency fund of $1,000 in the bank. This means that I don’t have a bunch of money around to address some kind of big bill that needed to be paid quickly, were to come up. It is important for me to not increase the number of additional expenses that are likely to pop up on me. What I really don’t need are more high dollar unexpected expenses causing major speed bumps in my debt free journey. My insurance policies need to help protect me from liability, but also reduce the stress of me wondering if I would end up severely jammed up . . . in case shit.

Moscow, Russia- June 12, 2017: lexus on the street toned with glare of the sun

Auto, Homeowners and Umbrella Insurance

I have a few insurance policies with Allstate – auto, homeowners and umbrella coverage. Out of all of the policies I listed above, these are the ones that are up for renewal at the beginning of 2020.

Auto Insurance

I pay my insurance on a monthly basis, but my total 6 month premium is $1,216.95. Here are my policy details:

Automobile Liability Insurance
- Deductible: $0
- Bodily Injury: $250,000 each person; $500,000 each occurrence
- Property Damage: $100,000 each occurrence

Uninsured Motorists
- Property Damage: $100,000 each accident
- Deductible: $250
- Auto Collision Insurance
- Limit: Actual cash value
- Deductible: $1,000

Uninsured Motorist (added on to at fault liability limits bodily injury)
- Limit: $250,000 each person; $500,000 each accident
- Deductible: Not applicable

Auto Comprehensive Insurance
- Limit: actual cash value
- Deductible: $1,000

Automobile Medical Payments
- Limit: $2,000 each person
- Deductible: $0
- Rental Reimbursement: up to $40 per day for a 30-day maximum
- Towing and Labor Costs: $100 each disablement
- Deductible: $0

Because I really wanted to understand my coverage, I met with my insurance agent to discuss what I’ve got and why. Auto accidents happen all of the time. With the amount of accidents that happen “just because,” along with the number of drivers that are out here driving distracted, it is important to me to have strong coverage. Plus, working for myself is stressful enough; I don’t need any additional stress when I’m driving around. I’ve got the minimum coverage limits that are allowed in order for someone to have an umbrella coverage policy. More on that below.

I love the comprehensive insurance portion of my policy. It covers me if the car is stolen, vandalized, if I hit a deer, or if I hit something because I swerved to avoid hitting something or someone else. It also covers the windshield. I like that the deductible for this is $100. I also like that when my windshield gets chipped, and the chip is smaller than the size of a quarter, they’ll come and fix it for free, without me paying any deductible. I’ve utilized this service twice in less than 15 months.

I learned that my uninsured motorist insurance is really important because, without it, I’d be relying on the insurance (or lack thereof) of someone else. My liability coverage protects others (or their property) that I might injure or damage. The uninsured motorist portion protects me if I’m hit or damaged by someone else and they don’t have adequate coverage. My agent noted that it doesn’t make sense for me to have less coverage to protect myself than I would have to protect someone else.

Reducing Insurance Costs

I’m going to reduce my insurance expense by taking a defensive driving course online. By taking the course, I’ll get a discount. Another way I’ve been reducing my auto insurance cost is through the use of the Allstate Drivewise app. When I consistently keep my driving speed under 80 mph (not so easy for me) and refrain from hard braking, I end up receiving a little check. The most recent one I received was in the amount of $72.41, so . . . it counts.

Condominium (Homeowners) Insurance

A condominium is usually covered by 2 types of insurance – the master policy of the condominium association and a personal policy held by the condo owner. Generally, the master policy covers the building structure and common areas. The condo owner’s policy covers everything inside of the condo. Some master policies only cover up to and including the walls of an individual condo. Others cover not only up to the walls, but also the floors, countertops and built-in appliances within the condo unit.

My association’s policy is of the former type, but my coverages are still fairly low for my condominium insurance. I also do not have a lot of expensive belongings like high-end furniture, fur coats, diamonds and designer handbags and shoes. So, I just wouldn’t need as much money to replace my belongings as would others.

Here’s a detail of my coverage:

Building Property Protection: $36,000 (for the replacement of fixtures, built-in appliances, flooring, etc.)
Personal Property Protection: $40,000 (for the replacement of my clothing, computers, jewelry, etc.)
Additional Living Expense: $8,000 (coverage in the event of temporary displacement)

(As I write this, I’m wondering if my amounts are a bit too low. I’ve reached out to my agent so that we can discuss this.)

Like my auto insurance, my condo insurance gets paid on a monthly basis. My premium for the year is $301.77.

Personal Liability Umbrella Insurance

An umbrella policy covers a person, as a whole, providing extra liability coverage beyond what is provided through their other policies (e.g., homeowner’s and auto insurance). This is coverage that protects your personal assets to the extent that your assets cannot be protected by the coverage provided through your other policies.

Let’s say, for example, you were to get into a car accident and injure someone. You have automobile liability coverage in the amount of $250,000 (like me). If the damages to that person go beyond the $250,000 available through your coverage (imagine if you were to injure a high-paid professional like a professional athlete or brain surgeon and that person couldn’t work for months), that person would be looking to you to cover any of their additional damages beyond the $250,000. If you had an umbrella policy, the additional coverage could come from there, instead of from your personal bank account or from your future wages (a state might garnish between 20% and 25% of your wages for your working life until the damages are covered).

That’s why I have an umbrella policy. Though I have a negative net worth today, I don’t intend to stay that way for too much longer. My aim is to increase my income in quantum leap fashion over the next few years and . . . in case shit . . . happens, and my main policies don’t provide adequate coverage, I don’t want my future income to be affected. In other words, I have an umbrella policy so that the money I earn in years to come won’t be garnished or my property liened against. As I previously mentioned, the limits I have for my other policies are the minimums required in order to have an umbrella policy.

Fun Fact: A little more than $475,000 of the $850,000 settlement that President Bill Clinton paid to Paula Jones in connection with the sexual misconduct lawsuit against him in the late 90s was covered by President Clinton’s personal umbrella policy.

What kind of insurance do you have? Did you cut out any insurance policies for the purpose of increasing your payments on your debt? Have you discovered any insurance solutions that have worked well for you?

Health Insurance for the Self-Employed

December 6, 2019 by tanya

Over 66% of bankruptcies in the United States are related to medical issues. From a financial perspective, how someone handles their health and medical treatment can significantly impact their money. The decisions that one makes around their health care and health insurance are very important. Since it’s open enrollment time in the U.S., health insurance is a timely topic.

No Compromising On Health Insurance

I’ve worked for myself full-time for 7 years now. Sometimes it has been a tremendous struggle. No matter what kind of challenge I’ve faced from an income perspective, the one thing I haven’t sacrificed is health insurance. It has always been a priority for me. I cannot think of a time I’ve ever seriously considered going without it.

As you may know, I’ve dealt with fibroid tumors for about the last 14 to 15 years of my life. Aside from those and issues related to those, I’m healthy. My blood pressure is great; my cholesterol is great; I’m not diabetic; I don’t have any chronic pain. The only medication I take regularly is Flonase. I say this to say, I wouldn’t consider myself to be one of those people who must, must, must have health insurance due to chronic illness or the need for expensive prescription drugs.

That – one’s general health – is part of the analysis for people who are self-employed and can’t rely on an employer to provide health care (or supplemented health care) for them. For the single and self-employed, especially, not only is there no employer, but there’s no spouse’s employer who can come to the rescue either. As a result, many self-employed folks go without the insurance or get very minimal plans. A couple of months ago, a friend of mine who recently got terminated from his job, stated flat-out that he’ll just “take the tax hit” instead of utilizing COBRA or obtaining a policy on his own.

Self-Employed Plans Suck

Plans for the self-employed aren’t great. Most are high-deductible (if you want to have a lower monthly premium payment). As far as I’m concerned, the premiums are high, too. And there’s not as much flexibility with the coverage as I used to have during the pre-Affordable Care Act (“ACA”) days.

I did have a downright bad policy one year. That was due to me being on the verge of missing the open enrollment deadline and picking some stupid plan in haste. I soon learned that it was some catastrophic health insurance bullshit that didn’t cover a damn thing. I’ve learned to do better and be more diligent about looking into plans.

This year I’m on top of the healthcare process earlier than I’ve ever been in the past. Of course, my premium went up a bit from last year for the same policy. The difference is $51.25 per month.

Before the ACA, I was always on a PPO plan. I like flexibility. I don’t want to have to get approval before seeing any provider that I want to see. In recent years, however, I’ve been on an HMO plan because the PPO plans were more than I was interested in paying.

My Insurance

Below you’ll see what I currently pay.

Premium: $337.03 per month
Deductible: $6,700

Here’s what I’ll be paying in 2020:

Premium: $388.28 per month
Deductible: $6,800

A Health Savings Account (HSA) Plan

I made sure to pick a plan that is HSA eligible. An HSA allows an employee to make savings contributions for their health care on a pre-tax basis (or tax-deductible basis if not done through an employer). The HSA contributions, effectively, reduce one’s tax burden by decreasing the amount on which a person will be taxed.

Another advantage of an HSA is that the funds held in the account can be invested and the earnings will be tax free. Considering where I am in my debt free journey (Baby Step 2 in the Dave Ramsey plan, which is the payoff of all debt besides my mortgage), I’m not concerned much about the investment benefit. My primary concern is the reduction in my tax liability using money that I’m going to spend anyway. As an additional benefit, my accountant told me that I’ll be able to receive reimbursement from my business for the $7,000+ I spent on my uterine fibroid embolization last year.

Before a couple of years ago, I didn’t realize that you couldn’t just tack on an HSA to whatever your existing plan was. You have to have a plan that is eligible for the HSA. That’s going to be a plan that qualifies as a high deductible health insurance plan, according to the guidelines for that established by the IRS.

Since I have a high-deductible plan, and one that is specifically designated as high-deductible, I’m eligible for the HSA. My aim is, obviously, to use the HSA to reduce my tax burden.

On another good note, fortunately, my dental insurance didn’t go up. That’s still $47.38 per month.

Choosing health insurance is so not my favorite thing. How are you handling it? Do you have an HSA? What was your decision-making process in selecting the appropriate plan?

Tight Month Ahead – December Budget Breakdown

December 4, 2019 by tanya

Geeeeezzzz. I’m concerned about the budget this month. Because I’m self-employed, and my business doesn’t have any significant reserves, my personal budget is integrally related to the performance of the business. My projections for the business this month don’t look so good. In fact, I’m wondering how the business will possibly bring in what I need it to produce this month in order for not only the business’ budget to work, but my personal budget as well.

With this being December – the last month of the year and the month of 2 major U.S. holidays – I don’t see there being a high volume of certain types of client work. Everything kinda slows down this month. People focus on holiday parties, travel, and preparing for next year. It seems that, when it comes to certain legal services, the prevailing thought is, “If I haven’t gotten it done by now, I’ll just focus on it next year.”

Anticipating that this month will be tight, I’m planning to pay myself less than I’d like. This month, I’ll have $7,000 with which to work.

My hope is that the income will come in this month – even if it’s by the hair of my chinny chin chin.
~ Single Girl

I use Dave Ramsey’s EveryDollar software to do my monthly budgeting. I use the free version instead of EveryDollar Plus because I wanted to force myself to really connect with my numbers, instead of being able to simply drag and drop imported expenses from my bank account. I wanted to force myself to manually capture every single amount spent each month.

According to the summary of spending that appears in EveryDollar, here’s how the percentages of planned spending breaks down for the month:

You’ll see that giving (tithe), savings, housing, insurance, and debt comprise a total of $6,256.97 – 89% of the budget. A significant chunk of that is going to savings for that beast of an HOA special assessment I have coming due in February (½ of $8,200) and early March (½ of $8,200). Gas for the car, food, some minimal Christmas gifts and food for my Vegas trip (click here and see the section “Plans With the Bulldozer”) make up the remaining 11%. This all assumes that the business is even able to pay me an amount that will equal the $7,000.

What I pay myself consists of both payroll and shareholder distributions. In determining what I’ll pay myself, I balance the two. (See The Tsunami Situation – Tax Edition, which explains why business owners often split their income between W-2 employee income payroll and distributions as an owner).

Another challenge is that, with this being December, I really want to focus on getting ready for the New Year. I want to truly “hit the ground running,” which will require some dedicated planning and organizational time. I don’t want to start 2020 lacking in clarity or not having positioned myself to succeed. I really don’t want to write a post like this in December of next year. So, though I want to hustle, hustle, hustle, I also don’t want to hustle in a way that makes me feel unready at the beginning of the year. New beginnings are a big deal to me.

I’ve already started doing some business development by following up on previous leads (e.g., people with whom we spoke regarding potential representation). I’m also doing what I normally do to drum up business. My hope is that the income will come in this month – even if it’s by the hair of my chinny chin chin. How terrible . . . the fact that I’m even saying that I “hope” the income will come in this month. I should be in a position to be confident that a certain level of income will be produced every month. But, I deal in what is, not what should be. Unfortunately, I’m not yet in that position.

The Tsunami Situation – November 2019 Debt Report

December 1, 2019 by tanya

Each month, I record the balances on my debt obligations. The amounts shown in my debt report reflect balances as of the end of the previous month.

“How long should you try? Until.”
~ Jim Rohn

The Debt Report Table I have been using in previous months was starting to look a bit cluttered, so I’m changing the format of it. In it, I’m also changing the order of the debts so that the order of it aligns with my planned order of payoff.

Moving forward, the Debt Report Table will show only the active debts being repaid. The Table of Debts Slayed will reflect those items that have already been repaid. You’ll find the Table of Debts Slayed below.

A few notes on the Table of Debts Slayed:

(1) The Debt Journey Balance column reflects the balance on the debt as of the date that I started to get serious about my debt-free journey – July, 2019.

(2) I’ve included in the Table of Debts Slayed, the balances I paid off for my 2018 Federal ($3,238) and State ($2,819) taxes, even though I paid them off the month after I learned about the obligation and the debts became due. I’m including them the list because they were significant amounts and were, technically, debts; I just paid them off quickly. I previously had not listed them in my but am do so now.

(3) In November, I applied for and obtained a debt consolidation loan, which allowed for the payoff of all of my credit card debt. The credit cards listed, except for the Chase card, were paid off through the debt consolidation. Effectively, the debt was re-classified and not actually paid off.

See the Debt Report Table below for the figures as of the end of November, 2019. It shows the updated order of debts to be repaid.

Based on the figures above, the difference between my October and November debt total is $1,667.25.

A few notes about the Debt Report Table:

(1) Any amount that ends in a “0” or “50” is an estimate. Often times, the IRS website does not show updated figures. It will say that “information is not available,” so I make a guess, based on the typical monthly reduction amount.

(2) The Navient payments for both the Debt Journey Balance and the November balance are the same because I’m on an income-based repayment plan and my payments aren’t enough to reduce the balance.

(3) The first payment on the Lending Club loan isn’t due until December. I made additional payments on the loan due to debt snowball amounts that were allocated for credit card payments for November. I also made sure to make a payment sufficient to cover the origination fee (the fee was $260).

I’m excited about the debt consolidation loan because I know that, as long as nothing unexpected happens to derail me, I will get it all paid off within 3 years or less. Of course, I want to pay it off much earlier than that, but I love knowing that there’s a definitive end date.