Archives for February 2020

The Manscape – February 2020

February 28, 2020 by tanya

This month was not without its share of fuck boy foolishness. That did not, however, make me lose sight of the enjoyable experiences I had. Despite the positive elements, I’m wondering if I should compromise the short-term good for the longer term great.

Jameson

Jameson maintained his full court press this month. We went out a couple of different times, including Valentine’s Day evening. A few times this month, he offered to bring me lunch (both of us work from home). I took him up on the offer once. The other two times just didn’t work for my schedule.

A couple of nights ago, he took me to dinner and to an NBA basketball game. I had a great time! We had an amazing dinner time conversation and a fun time watching the game. (I love to be in an arena, by the way! I’m inspired by the energy of all of the people, the activities and the sheer size of the place.) It was an enjoyable evening.

Before dinner, he surprised me with: (1) a nice candle, (2) a bottle of my favorite vodka (Peach Ciroc) and (3) a new stopper for my bathtub, since mine broke.

He’s made it clear that he wants to take our relationship back to the level at which it once was – the committed romantic relationship level. He’s aware that I’m not interested in that with him at this point. He’s also said that whatever I’m willing to give, he’ll take. If that’s a periodic dinner date. Cool. If it’s a weekend getaway, we can do that. If he can just come by and sit and work while I work, he wants to do that. He’s open to everything and just wants to spend time together.

While I appreciate the outings and nice dinner dates, I’m thinking I may have to pull back on that a bit. I’ll share more on this in a later post.

Whole Foods

Though we didn’t get together Valentine’s Day weekend, Whole Foods took us out on an awesome concert date the weekend before. He bought us the VIP experience (I’d never had that at this venue), which gave us access to a 3-story lounge area with hors d’oeuvres and a rooftop deck. He got us seats on the floor in the 6th row. I danced, danced, danced and had a great time!

He got us seats on the floor in the 6th row. I danced, danced, danced and had a great time!
~ single girl

He texted me late on Valentine’s Day. We played some phone tag during the following week and, when the ball was back in his court, he gave up and waited until week later or so to try me again. He called me on a Sunday asking me if I could connect that day. I was working, so I declined. He’s asked that I let him know when I can get together with him again. My brother is in town. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get together.

Again, while I appreciate the outings and nice dinner dates, I’m thinking I may have to pull back on that a bit, too. I’ll share more on this in a later post.

The Original Whole Foods

I’ve known The Original Whole Foods for many years. Click here for a brief story about how we met. When we dated, we had a good time. He’s a great looking man. He’s cultured, well-traveled and fun.

All that aside, he did some real fuck boy shit. He reached out to me out of the blue and said he wanted to get together to catch up. It’s been awhile since we’ve gone out or even hung out at all – probably at least 8 years. He reached out at the end of January and said that he’d like to catch up after his travels, in early February. I told him that was fine. We didn’t speak or text in the interim.

He reached out in early February, as he said he would, and asked about my schedule. We were texting on a Monday. I told him I could meet Thursday. He said, “Thursday works for me, too.” I replied, asking him what time and place he had in mind.

I haven’t heard from him since.

If I, intuitively, felt that something was wrong, I’d take a different approach. But, rarely is something actually wrong in these situations. I’ve lived and dated long enough to know that.
~ single girl

You might be saying to yourself, “Well maybe something happened to him.” I’m saying no such thing to myself. Though he’s never done that in the years I’ve known him, my intuition isn’t telling me that something went awry. I’m thinking he’s on some inconsiderate bullshit. I take a pretty firm position on how I handle being stood up. If I, intuitively, felt that something was wrong, I’d take a different approach. But, rarely is something actually wrong in these situations. I’ve lived and dated long enough to know that.

Cigar Bar

When I met Cigar Bar he had recently moved to my city. He was focused on his new job, but was also interested in getting acclimated with the city. He said that he wanted to do some of that exploring with me. We talked and texted about some cool parts of town for him to consider for more permanent housing (he was in temporary, corporate housing at the time), as well as some fun hangout spots in the area. We went out a couple of times and, based on the 2 dates we had, I had a desire to continue to get to know him.

Earlier in the month he closed on a condo purchase in the city. Through text and phone conversations, he expressed his excitement. I was excited for him! I didn’t see him while he was moving because he canceled a date we had scheduled due to his desire to focus on his move. Once he moved into his new place, he reached out, told me he was settled in and asked me to go out that upcoming weekend.

That upcoming weekend was Valentine’s Day weekend. I already had plans with Jameson for Valentine’s Day night and I thought I had plans with The Original Whole Foods on Thursday night. So, Saturday was all I had available. That Monday at 5:10 p.m. I told him that Saturday would work. The following evening I hadn’t received a confirmation from him, so I asked him if we were doing Saturday evening. (This was a mistake, by the way. It normally wouldn’t be my style to say anything. Either he follows up or he doesn’t. But, for some reason, I got beside myself and reached out to confirm.) I didn’t hear anything from him until the next morning.

Him: Hey, sorry, I had a long work day yesterday. Can you do Friday? I know Friday is Valentine’s Day and I don’t want to make our relationship more than it is so no pressure if that doesn’t work for you.

Me: No

He didn’t respond and we haven’t communicated at all since . . . and we won’t, unless he reaches out to me first. He’s just not that into me. I can tell that now.

Mr. All Black

Remember, Mr. All Black? We had a date scheduled for a couple of weeks ago. He had told me that he’d be in Miami for the Superbowl, so he set a day and time for us to get together upon his return. He told me that he’d let me know the location of our meeting. Great!

The Tuesday after the Superbowl, he texted me, saying, “What’s up stranger? Hope your day is going well thus far.”

Red Flag #1 – “What’s Up Stranger?”

This is some passive-aggressive weak man talk that I don’t find to be attractive. Let’s break this one down. First of all, the “stranger” reference was his way of expressing his confusion about why I hadn’t contacted him at all. You’re the one who was in Miami for the Superbowl. I was delighted for you and encouraged you to have a great time. Was I, as a woman who just met you, supposed to be checking in with you to see how you were doing on your getaway weekend?

First of all, the “stranger” reference was his way of expressing his confusion about why I hadn’t contacted him at all. You’re the one who was in Miami for the Superbowl.
~ single girl

Second, I don’t usually initiate contact with men with whom I haven’t been out. You scheduled a date, you went out of town, and you said you’d reach out to give me the information on the meeting location. I don’t know what I needed to say to you in the meantime.

Red Flag #2 – Where Are We Meeting?

Again, you, Sir, said that you would get back to me about where we should meet. So, while you were texting and making chit chat about your Miami trip, you should have given me the information you said you’d provide. I shouldn’t have to ask you. I shouldn’t have to remind you (if I have to remind you that you have plans with me, you’re really not that into me).

Our text conversation continued. I told him my day was going well and asked him how his day was going. I also asked him how his Miami trip went.

Him: Day is going great! Miami was excellent, minus it raining just about the whole time lol. My team won tho!

Me: Lol! That’s great! I’m glad you had a good time and your team won.

That was on a Tuesday. Our date was scheduled for Friday. Friday came and went. I haven’t heard from him and I’ve said nothing.

Mr. Nice For Now

I haven’t seen Mr. Nice For Now since November, when he went to Asia for 5 weeks. I told him in January that I wasn’t interested in continuing our relationship. I heard from him once during January, but we haven’t communicated since. I thought I might miss his companionship, but I don’t. I enjoyed it while I had it, but I realize that letting it go was a good thing to do.

What a month. There were some highlights, but they came with some unusual lowlights. Welcome to dating, right?

How did the month go for you? Anything juicy?

Found $500!

February 25, 2020 by tanya

I recently obtained a business loan to use in connection with a transfer of some of the business card debt I have. After the lender deposited the new loan funds into my business account, I started the process of paying off the card.

Something told me to call the bank to confirm the balance due on the card before making a payment online. When I listened to the uncircumventable automated list of account details, I learned that I had $500.33 of cash rewards available on the card.

When I listened to the uncircumventable automated list of account details, I learned that I had $500.33 of cash rewards available on the card.
~ single girl

What?!!! I had no idea I had these rewards available! When I looked at the card information online, my account showed that I had zero dollars of rewards, so hearing that I had that much money available was extremely surprising. That’s a lot of money! It’s just over the amount I was paying in monthly finance charges (about $483/month!).

I waited to speak to a representative and we went through the process of applying the available rewards to the balance of the business card.

LESSON: Before paying off a credit card with “rewards,” confirm what rewards you might have available so you don’t miss out on them.

I’m grateful for this win.

Money Move – Balance Transfer Remix

February 21, 2020 by tanya

Last month, I applied for 2 credit cards for my business. My aim was to use the cards to transfer the balance on the business credit card that I’ve had for years. The balance on the business credit card was around $22,000 and the interest rate was ridiculous (over 22%). My monthly payments of $1,000 weren’t going very far. Out of the $1,00) payment, $493 of it was going toward the finance charge.

I thought that both of the cards I applied for had a 0% interest rate. I was wrong. Both had a 0% interest rate, but I later found out that with one of the cards the introductory rate didn’t apply to balance transfers. The balance transfer was my sole purpose for applying for the card! So I needed another solution.

I thought that both of the cards I applied for had a 0% interest rate. I was wrong.
~ Single girl

I found a company that offers unsecured business loans through Lending Club. Though the rate isn’t 0%, it is still less than half of what the rate on the business card previously was. And, though there’s a loan fee, when I consider how much I was paying in finance charges every month, I’m still saving money. Even when accounting for the loan fee, I should be saving about $100 a month on this portion of the balance of the credit card (approximately $11,800). I’ve already transferred $10,000 of the business card balance to the 0% interest card, so I’ll be saving about $250 per month on that portion of the balance. In total, I’m coming out ahead at roughly $350 per month.

Here are the terms of the business loan:

Loan Amount: $12,000
Loan Fee: $718.80
Interest Rate: $9.9%
Term: 24 payments of $554

The plan is to be really aggressive in paying off both the 0% card balance as well as the business loan. Though I’ve been paying $1,000 per month on the card, I’d like to increase that amount to $2,000 per month. After all, the purpose of making these money moves is so that my payments can make a bigger dent in the balances, not so that I can prolong the payoff period. If I can get both of them paid off by the end of this year, I’d be DELIGHTED!

My goal is to be financially responsible and fiscally savvy when it comes to both the business and my personal finances. An aggressive plan to pay off the business’ debt is a good step in that direction.

What To Do When He Stands You Up

February 18, 2020 by tanya

Most of us know how it feels to be stood up for a date. Maybe he set a day with you, said he’d follow up with a specific place and time, but you never heard back from him. Or, if he’s a complete jerk; he scheduled the date, time and location with you and neglected to show up at the actual site of the date.

Feelings after being stood up can range from confusion and irritation to full-blown anger. Why’d you ask me out, if you were not going to follow through? If something came up and you couldn’t make it, why not just call or text me to let me know? We’re adults!

Why’d you ask me out if you were not going to follow through? If something came up and you couldn’t make it, why not just call or text me to let me know? We’re adults!

~ single girl

I won’t go into the myriad stupid reasons that guys decide to stand a woman up for a date. This post is not about the psychology behind it; for this subject, I don’t care about “the why” behind this inconsiderate behavior. I only care about “the what” and how to respond to it. For a discussion from psychological experts about this subject, check out this article.

I make no excuses for this kind of behavior. If you say you’re going to do something, do it. If you say you’re going to be somewhere, be there, or have the grown up courtesy to let someone know that you can’t make it. I’ve dated enough over my adult life to know that rarely – very rarely – is there some legitimate explanation behind these shenanigans. It’s never been that the guy got into a car accident and was in the hospital at the time of our scheduled date. It has never been that a family member died the day of our date and he totally lost his ability to think or communicate and, thus, couldn’t let me know that we couldn’t get together that day. One time, a guy I was seeing was super late because he saw someone having a medical emergency and he stopped to render aid. Despite those unusual circumstances, he was still able to reach out to explain his delay. And he eventually made it to my house to pick me up for our date that night.

I’m not the type who first assumes there’s a legitimate reason behind his failure to appear. I’m the opposite: I assume that there’s some foolishness behind the situation – that whatever his reason, it’s unlikely to be adequate to me. Again, I didn’t ask you out. You asked me out. You’re a grown man. If you didn’t want to go out, you shouldn’t have asked. If you changed your mind between the time you asked that the time we were supposed to go out, just say so. Don’t be a baby.

There’s only one thing to do when he stands you up – nothing. Nothing at all. You wait. You don’t text him the day after you were supposed to hear from him, asking him if everything is okay (because, again, everything is probably okay). You also don’t call him, going off about how he needs to recognize that no one treats you like that. No.

There’s only one thing to do when he stands you up – nothing. Nothing at all. You wait.
~ single girl

You wait until he reaches out to you again, if he ever decides to reach out again (which he’ll probably do, at some point). If you reach out to him, you risk your message falling on deaf ears. With guys, timing is critical. No matter how important your message, if you convey it when he’s not open to hearing it, you might as well have kept your mouth shut. When you wait until he reaches out to you, you know that he wants to communicate with you. Because he has a desire for you at that moment, what you have to say will more likely be received.

Why will he probably reach out to you? Because he’s a guy . . . and guys do that. He had an initial interest in you and, given that there probably isn’t anything that happened to completely change that between the time you spoke about your date and the actual scheduled time of your date, he still might have that initial interest he had. I think men also like knowing that they can still get the girl they wanted to get. It’s quite an ego boost for a woman to continue to show interest, even when he doesn’t deserve it.

So he stood you up and you exercised patience enough to wait for him to reach out to you again. This was probably done in the form of a casual text message – something along the lines of “Hey, you” or “Hey, stranger.” Any selection of words he uses is formed with the intention of acting as if nothing weird happened between the two of you. He wants to start the interaction with you, pretending that he did nothing wrong and that, if, by chance, you do think he did something wrong, you too will pretend that there’s no issue. Under no circumstance do I advocate going along with his “all is well” charade.

You can either: (A) give him another chance or (B) tell him that, with that one strike, he’s “out.”
~ Single Girl

The question is how you’ll proceed. I’ve identified a couple of potential approaches below. Both involve taking a stance that demonstrates that you’re a high-value woman, that you’re not stupid, and that you’re not desperate for a date – especially not a date with him. Either way, you make your position and standards clear.
You can either: (A) give him another chance or (B) tell him that, with that one strike, he’s “out.” I don’t suggest not taking option 1 unless he does BOTH of these 2 things:

(1) He acknowledges that his treatment of you was disrespectful or, at least, inconsiderate and
(2) He apologizes and conveys some kind of desire to make it up to you (literally, look for words synonymous with “I’ll make it up to you.”)

In the absence of both of those two factors, your best bet is to go with Option B and decide not to deal with him anymore. If he, however, acknowledges what he did and apologizes, the situation may be redeemable. Some guys are so used to dealing with low-value women that they assume that they can treat all women inappropriately without repercussions (because it has worked for them). By requiring considerate treatment, you put him on notice that your standards are not those of the women of his past. He can either respect that, or continue to act a fool – as long as he takes his foolhardy ways elsewhere.

If he won’t even acknowledge what happened, you’ll be on a rough road dealing with him in the future. You do yourself a huge disservice if you allow disrespectful and inconsiderate behavior to go unaddressed. If you do it once, especially early on in a potential dating relationship, you are certain to be repeatedly disrespected in the future.

By not ignoring inappropriate behavior, a woman demonstrates dignity and that she expects to be treated well. I encourage you (and myself) to exercise patience and control over your emotions.

Do nothing. Wait. Be dignified.

Valentine’s Day Dignity

February 14, 2020 by tanya

Valentine’s Day can be such a mixed bag of good and bad. It can be a really tough time for single women. It can be even worse for ladies in relationships (or those who think they’re in relationships).

For some, today will, literally, be a dream of a day. If it marks a proposal or an actual wedding, signifying a forever love, this may be a day that they’ve imagined since childhood. On a more casual note, a guy that a woman’s been dating might surprise her with an unexpected romantic gift or dinner date.

For others, it won’t be puppies and rainbows. It’s going to be a pretty crappy day. Not only might they struggle with all of the fanfare and imagery that goes along with this holiday – the jewelry ads, the photos of huge flower bouquets, the “She said ‘Yes’” Facebook posts with the corresponding images of beautiful diamond rings. They’ll also deal with the facts of their own lives – the absence of a desired loving partner or the poor behavior of the partner they have. This is where the rubber meets the road.

Men Aren’t Stupid

Though I adore men and hold them in high regard, I’ll be the first to say that they do some really stupid things. But overall, they’re not stupid. Men know what to do to make a woman feel special. They know what gestures are, generally, well-received. Most importantly, they know how to show a woman that they care about her and want to have her in their life.

At the same time, let’s not pretend: a lot of guys (and some girls) cannot stand the Valentine’s Day holiday. They think it is a ridiculous commercial, meaningless reason to spend money because “society says so.” They don’t like the idea of being pressured into spending money on this particular day as a demonstration of their love for their partner.

Whether you’re in a relationship, think you’re in a relationship, or are currently unattached, let Valentine’s Day be a day on which you exercise dignity. Above all . . . dignity.
~ Single Girl

While I understand the irritation, I don’t care. When a guy I’m seeing or with whom I’m in a relationship protests the holiday, I state that, though he thinks it’s stupid . . . I don’t. Is a 60-inch television important? To me, not so much. To him, it might be, and I respect that. So, he needs to respect what’s important to me and what puts a smile on my face.

Even a man who isn’t “your man” will want to do something for you on Valentine’s Day – whether or not he protests the holiday. He recognizes that it’s an opportunity for him to shine and to make a huge deposit in your love bank. If he wants you, he’ll use this as a chance to make you feel special.

It doesn’t matter that he’s not the Valentine’s Day type of guy. If you’re a Valentine’s Day kind of gal, he needs to embrace that. Don’t let him exercise any Jedi mind trickery to make you feel any way to the contrary.

Again, if it’s important to you, then it’s important. A man who loves and cares about you will acknowledge that and try to make you feel special. I have a few exes that absolutely abhorred Valentine’s Day (and, frankly, treated me well on the other days of the year). That didn’t stop them from making sure that we did something together or that they gave me a gift to celebrate the day.

How To Handle What Valentine’s Day Will Reveal To You

For the ladies for whom this will be an amazing, beautifully memorable day, let’s rejoice with them in their happiness and the amazing memories that they’ll be making today.

For the ones who are about to feel some type of shitty way, I’ve outlined a strategy for handling the truths that will be revealed.

Whether you’re in a relationship, think you’re in a relationship, or are currently unattached, let Valentine’s Day be a day on which you exercise dignity. Above all . . . dignity.

DIGNITY [DIG-NI-TEE]
Bearing conduct or speech indicative of self-respect
nobility or elevation of character; worthiness
~ Dictionary.com

This means that no matter what happens or doesn’t happen today, you operate with the utmost demonstration of self-respect. Despite how you feel, you control your actions like a grown woman. Regardless of whatever feelings arise in you, you carry yourself like a high-value, dignified woman.

What Not To Do

1. Don’t Flip Out

While I totally believe in the power of the flip out, a guy’s failure to meet your expectations today probably wouldn’t justify such a dramatic response. Remember, there’s protocol with this flip out stuff and the flip out is to be used more in response to disrespectful behavior, not disappointing behavior. You expected something today and didn’t receive it (whether that be a date, a gift, a proposal or some sort of communication)? You thought he’d reach out to you, but didn’t? You expected him to have made a date with you for today, but he didn’t? Be glad that you now know what’s really going on. Don’t blow up his phone, don’t “accidentally” send him a text that was allegedly intended for someone else. Don’t do any passive-aggressive, weak ass shit. Be happy that you’re being shown the truth. See item 1 under What To Do, below.

2. Don’t Initiate Contact

If he doesn’t say anything to you today, you don’t say anything to him today, either. Wait. Either he reaches out to you or you two don’t communicate today.

3. Don’t Fuss

Whatever he decides to give or do for you should be received with appreciation and gratitude. If you were expecting a ring, but he gives you a bracelet, don’t express your disappointment. He knows you want a ring and he chose to not give one to you. He-chose-to-not- give-you-one. If you wanted to go out on a romantic date to a fancy restaurant, but he thinks that Olive Garden is sufficient, then receive his restaurant choice with a smile. He shouldn’t have to hear any complaining about what he chose to do or not do. Your job is to observe his choices and decide whether: (1) it is a representation of how he feels about you and your relationship (which it probably is) and (2) what you’re going to do about that (which should be to either take it or leave it).

4. Don’t Ask Questions

“Why haven’t I heard from you?” “You’re not going to take me out?” “You didn’t even get me a box of chocolates?” Again, no fussing at all. If he communicates, he communicates. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t. If he asks you out, great. If he doesn’t, you better stay home or go out with your friends.

What To Do

1. Enjoy Yourself

Do what makes you feel good and happy. If you want to go out and flirt, go check out a local bar or pub, or places that couples typically don’t go for a romantic evening. Alternatively, if you want to have a nice evening at home, that’s a wonderful idea. One of my friends is having a steak dinner with her tween daughter tonight – a fabulous girls’ night in. Whatever you do, don’t go flipping out on anyone because he didn’t meet your expectations today.

2. Pay Attention

If you’re not fussing, questioning, initiating contact or pushing, you’ll get a chance to see how he feels about your relationship, situationship, or whatever the hell it is that you have. A man will show you exactly how he feels about you. It’s just up to you to acknowledge and accept it. Don’t lie to yourself.

3. Understand That He’s Just Not That Into You

Period. Women don’t like to believe this, but it’s true. If you’ve never read the book, He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, you should. It’s a classic and, though it’s hard for many women to accept, what it says is true. Men do what they want to do. Men pursue women they want to pursue. Men try to impress women they deem worthy of the effort. Like the male author of the books says, “. . . Even though we may not be saying it, we are absolutely showing it all the time. If a dude isn’t calling you when he says he will, or making sure you know that he’s dating you, then you already have your answer. Stop making excuses for him; his actions are screaming the truth.” If you find yourself confused, disappointed, alone, or lonely today, it is because he’s just not that into you.

. . . Even though we may not be saying it, we are absolutely showing it all the time. If a dude isn’t calling you when he says he will, or making sure you know that he’s dating you, then you already have your answer. Stop making excuses for him; his actions are screaming the truth.
~ Greg Behrendt, He’s just not that into you

4. Know That No Romance = No Bueno

Another old school dating book whose tenets still ring true is The Rules- Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. Rule 12 is “stop dating him if he doesn’t buy you a romantic gift for your birthday or Valentine’s Day.” Why? Because this shows that he doesn’t want you on a long-term, romantic basis. I learned this one to be true several years ago. When I reviewed my dating experiences, it was totally on point. For example, I was dating a beautiful, thoughtful guy and we were in a committed relationship. I thought things were going great. For my birthday, he got me the most expensive, gorgeous JUICER a woman could ever want. Right after my birthday, he told me that he didn’t want to be hurt again (he was divorced) and was only going to allow me to get “so” close to him. He said that if I ever got too close, he’d pull away. Though I was terribly hurt, I told him that, “As a dignified and self-respecting woman,” I could not possibly stay in a relationship with a man who was telling me plainly that he didn’t want to get close to me. The unromantic gift was, in retrospect, an indication of his lack of desire to be in a long-term romantic relationship with me. As Fein and Schneider state, “Flowers, jewelry, poetry and weekend trips to the country are the kinds of gifts given by men in love. Sweat suits, books, briefcases, toasters and other practical gifts are the kinds of things men give when they like you, care about you (like a sister), but don’t really want to marry you.”

This Valentine’s Day will probably bring some serious questions for the fore and will be a time to make some decisions. Will you continue to accept what you’ve been accepting? What more does he have to do to show you he doesn’t really want you as his woman? Do you even really want this man? What lies have you been telling yourself about him or your situation with him? What writing to you see on the wall, but don’t want to acknowledge? What excuses have you been making for behavior that you know is disrespectful or demonstrative of a lack of care?

Let us commit to maintaining our dignity. Always. To not accepting behavior that shows a man’s lack of true desire or adoration for us . . . to acknowledging what someone is showing us about how they feel about us over what they’re saying to us . . . to trusting our intuition.

Today doesn’t need to be a day of sadness. Today can and should be a day of empowerment. Consider it the first day of the rest of your dignified life.

February 2020 Budget Breakdown

February 11, 2020 by tanya

Last month was a good month. I had one budget surprise, but, otherwise, things went pretty well.

January 2020 Budget Recap

Where I overspent:

Groceries	Budgeted Amount: $200	Actual Spent: $221
Doctor Visit	Budgeted Amount: $0	Actual Spent: $80
Do It Scared	Budgeted Amount: $15	Actual Spent: $25

Where I spent less than allocated:

Gas	Budgeted Amount: $175	Actual Spent: $108
Dry Cleaning/Shoe Repair	Budgeted Amount: $90	Actual Spent: $31
Pocket Change	Budgeted Amount: $100	Actual Spent: $68
Chicago Trip	Budgeted Amount: $450	Actual Spent: $341

A couple of notes on where I overspent and spent less than allocated:

Doctor Visit: This was the surprise expense. Though I knew that I had appointments to see both my general medicine practitioner and my gynecologist, I didn’t expect to have to make any payments for either visit. Under my insurance plan, when you go for the purpose of an annual, preventative exam, no co-pay needs to be paid. What I learned when I got to my general practitioner’s office, however, is that if you discuss anything other than what is related to the annual exam, there will be a fee. If you get a prescription filled (for me it is Albuterol because I’m a mild asthmatic), you’ll pay a fee. So, anything at all that goes beyond the limited scope of an annual exam will push the visit from being an unpaid one into a paid one.
Do It Scared: This is a subscription program by Ruth Soukup, the woman who created the Living Well Spending Less Planner. When you purchase the Planner, you are given a 30-day free trial of the program – a program designed to help you crush the goals you’ve set out to achieve. I didn’t engage in the program enough during the initial 30-day trial, so I wanted to try it for an additional month to learn more about it and see if I found it to be valuable to me. When I registered for the program online, the sales materials stated that the monthly fee was $15. Once in the program, however, I found that they charged me $25.
Chicago Trip: The Chicago trip was made to support my friend in her graduation from a coaching program and to celebrate her birthday. She paid for my plane ticket as well as our hotel room, however, I budgeted to have travel money and to be able to get her something for her birthday. For her birthday dinner, she chose a super sexy Asian restaurant, Tao (loved it!). The restaurant serves in a family-style manner. Though there were 7 of us who ate, we only split the bill 3 ways because there was one couple there and my friend’s minor son and twenty-something Goddaughter were there. My friend wanted to pay for her son and Goddaughter, but the rest of us didn’t feel that appropriate for the circumstances. So, myself, and two other people (the married couple counted themselves as 1 person) split the $519 bill. I also paid for parking, for lunch for me and my friend’s son and an appetizer at an event for me and my friend. I’m glad that I budgeted enough to accommodate whatever she decided to do. I’m delighted that I came in under budget on that item.

I’ve written here about what I do with what I don’t spend in each budget category.

February Budget Breakdown

I’ve based the February budget on income of $9,000.

I use Dave Ramsey’s EveryDollar software to do my monthly budgeting. Instead of using the premium version (EveryDollar Plus), I use the free version. The free version doesn’t connect with your bank and credit accounts, so I am intentionally forcing myself to really connect with my numbers, instead of being able to simply drag and drop imported expenditures. This forces me to manually capture every single amount spent each month.

According to the summary of spending that appears in EveryDollar, here’s how the percentages of planned spending breaks down for the month:

I’ve got a lot that has to get done this month and, as a result, the budget is higher than last month. One would think that the increase in the amount available for the budget would automatically translate into a larger amount being paid toward my debt snowball. It doesn’t.

Note that I don’t have any funds allocated to a “Romance” category, even though Valentine’s Day is this month. I do have Valentine’s Day plans, however, I don’t have what I would consider to be a Valentine – at least not one on which I will be spending any money.

The increase in the budget will be used toward (1) taxes for 2020 and (2) medical expenses. I’m looking at spending an additional $1,200 between the taxes and the health-related costs. Saving $500 toward taxes is me being proactive in preparing to address the tax bill that I’m likely to have for covering my 2020 tax liability.

I’ve stated that I pay myself from my business via two different forms of income – W-2 employee income and owner distributions. With the W-2 employee income, taxes are automatically withheld through the payroll system I use (ADP). The distributions, however, don’t include withholding. So, I need to be prepared to pay whatever taxes I owe when it’s tax filing time.

It’s a short month, so I need to make every day count. How are things looking for you for February?

What To Do With Budgeted, But Unspent, Funds?

February 7, 2020 by tanya

Before the beginning of each month, I prepare a budget using the Dave Ramsey’s EveryDollar app. Doing so is now a habit that I’m very proud to have. Ramsey points to the budget as the foundational element of financial control. He’s right. Having and using a budget is powerful. Very powerful.

I do a “zero-based budget” which means that I make sure that it balances completely. Every anticipated dollar of income is allocated toward an appropriate spending category. On paper, there are no extra, hanging funds that are not intended to be used for a particular purpose. There’s a budget category for everything from my pocket change to the additional funds that I’ll be contributing to my debt snowball that month.

Though my budget is zero-based, not every allocated dollar gets spent during the course of the month. I often underspend in discretionary categories like auto gas, drycleaning and pocket change. What I’ve been doing with these allocated, but unspent funds is . . . nothing. They’ve remained in my personal checking account. When I prepare the budget for the following month, I make it as if there isn’t any residual money available from the previous month or months.

The result is that about $1,500 has now accumulated in the account. Of course, I could take the excess for every month and apply it to the debt that I’m attacking in my debt snowball (right now it’s my 2016 tax bill) and start off every month fresh with no money in the account. But . . . I don’t want to do that.

Dave Ramsey would probably say that I should be using the excess funds every month toward my debt snowball. I’ll admit that having the money functions almost like another baby emergency fund. The point of having just one $1,000 baby emergency fund (under the Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover Plan) is to make you feel a bit uneasy – so uneasy that you hustle as much as possible in order to pay off the debt as soon as possible. For someone who isn’t facing over $300,000 of debt (and the length of time it may take to pay it off) and who doesn’t work for themselves (like I do) that’s not as scary a proposition. For my self-employed, extreme debt-having self, the idea of some extra money in the account makes me feel good.

For my self-employed, extreme debt-having self, the idea of some extra money in the account makes me feel good.
~ Single Girl

Having come from a place of being so out of control with my money, I like having money in my account. I lllooooovvveeee no longer feeling out of control. Even though it’s “only” $1,500, having it and seeing it sends a message to my subconscious self that abundance is a part of my life. The presence of the money represents my ability to deliberately set intentions for my use of funds and to operate in accordance with a system. The $1,500 is not enough to make me feel comfortable by any means; it just looks and feels better than just the $1,000. Look, if it’s okay for someone with only $10,000 of debt to have a $1,000 baby emergency fund, it seems reasonable for someone with $300,000 of debt to have just a smidgen more than the $1,000 hanging around.

My plan is to use the accumulated funds to make large payments on my debt snowball, but I don’t intend to totally deplete the funds in doing so. When the amount gets to, say, $2,000, I’ll take $1,000 or $1,500 of it and pay it toward my debt snowball. Then I’ll let it replenish back to $2,000 and make another lump sum payment. I may change my mind later about how to handle these funds, but, for now, I want to do it this way.

What do you do with your budgeted, but unspent funds each month?

Do you only keep $1,000 in a baby emergency fund?

If not, what amount do you prefer to keep in your savings account?

The Tsunami Situation – January 2020 Debt Report

February 4, 2020 by tanya

Each month, I record the balances on my debt obligations. The amounts shown in my debt report reflect balances as of the end of the previous month. First you’ll see the Table of Debt Slayed. This displays debts that have been paid off since I began my debt free journey.

Further below you’ll see my active debts in the Debt Report Table.

“How long should you try? Until.”
~ Jim Rohn

A few notes on the Table of Debts Slayed:

(1) The Debt Journey Balance column reflects the balance on the debt as of the date that I started to get serious about my debt-free journey – July, 2019.

(2) I’ve included in the Table of Debts Slayed, the balances I paid off for my 2018 Federal ($3,238) and State ($2,819) taxes, even though I paid them off the month after I learned about the obligation and the debts became due. I’m including them the list because they were significant amounts and were, technically, debts; I just paid them off quickly. I previously had not listed them in my Table of Debts slayed but am do so now.

(3) In November, I applied for and obtained a debt consolidation loan, which allowed for the payoff of all of my credit card debt. The credit cards listed, except for the Chase card, were paid off through the debt consolidation. Effectively, the debt was re-classified (which you’ll see in the table below) and not actually paid off.

See the Debt Report Table below for the figures as of the end of January, 2020. It shows the updated order of debts to be repaid.

The difference between my December and January personal debt balance is $4,210.

The difference between my December and January business credit card debt balance is $574.

A few notes about the Debt Report Table:

The Debt Being Attacked

The debt that is highlighted in green is the debt that I’m currently attacking. Additional funds I have available for debt repayment go toward extra payments on this highlighted debt. The additional appear as my “Debt Snowball” number in my budget every month.

Estimates

Sometimes, an amount that ends in a “0” or “50” is an estimate. Often times, the IRS website does not show updated figures. It will say that “information is not available,” so I make a guess, based on the typical monthly reduction amount.

Three Payments That (Unfortunately) Go Up Every Month

(1) Internal Revenue Service (2017)

This payment goes up every month because the IRS system will not allow me to make payments on both the 2016 balance and the 2017 balance at the same time. I wanted to make small payments on the 2017 balance so that it wouldn’t go up every month. When I spoke with the IRS, they explained that they don’t allow for that. It requires that all payments be applied to the oldest balance due. That is why the 2016 balance goes down, while the 2017 balance goes up by about $64 per month.

(2 & 3) Navient Student Loans (Yes, Both!)

The balances for both Navient loans go up every month because I’m on an income-based repayment plan. The minimum payments under the program aren’t enough to reduce the monthly balance. Once I take down the two IRS debts, I’ll start making payments on the student loans big enough to, at least, cover the interest.

Business Credit Card

I’ve included the business credit card balance, even though I don’t pay that bill out of my personal income. Though the money that pays it comes from the business, I am the personal guarantor of it. So, technically, it’s my debt. Despite the fact that I make a $1,000 payment on it every month, you see that the balance only goes down by just under $400. The APR on it is 22.74%.

In January, I did what out I set to do, which was find a low interest business loan or credit card so that I could transfer the balance (see Money Move – A Balance Transfer). It’s actually 2 cards because I couldn’t get a credit line on one to cover the full balance. Because of the balance transfer process for each of the credit cards, the balance transfers won’t be completed until next month.

Why Am I Not Discouraged?

I asked myself this question as I was putting together this post. Why am I not discouraged by the fact that the balances of some of my obligations – the 2017 taxes and the student loans – continue to go up every month? After all, the aim here is to consistently reduce my debt. Ideally, every single one of my balances should be going down, not up.

The reason I’m not discouraged is because, despite the fact that some balances are still increasing, others are coming down. And, most importantly, I’m developing and practicing the habits that are going to position me to get out of this Tsunami Situation in which I find myself.

I’m budgeting. I’m reconciling my expenses in connection with said budget.

I’m changing my mindset and paying attention to the money I have and where it is going. Remember, during the period between January, 2019 and June, 2019, I paid almost $1,000 in overdraft fees! I was out of control and not managing my money properly at all. It was ridiculous!

What a difference a year makes. Now, in January of 2020, I feel much more in control. I’m operating intentionally. I’m planning strategically. I’m developing consistency. I’m taking baby steps – literally. I’ve still got a long way to go, but I feel like I’m laying a solid foundation. If I just stay committed to moving forward, the results will come. The results WILL come. That’s what keeps me encouraged.

How are you feeling about your debt free journey? We’re a month into 2020 and . . . how did things go the first month? If you’re feeling discouraged, my hope is that you’ll give yourself credit for all that you have accomplished and the progress that you’ve made thus far. We have to remember that it’s a process and that it takes time and consistency to get to the other side of this. The thing that matters most is that we will get to the other side.