I recently learned about the Japanese concept of Ikigai. It means “a reason for being.”
I learned about this from a very accomplished woman who was doing an interview-style talk with a long-time friend of hers, another very consummate woman.
The focus of their discussion revolved around what women need to do to not just be invited “to the table,” but to actually set the table – that table being the platform of conversation and subsequent action that addresses issues pertinent to the inclusion and advancement of women.
A key takeaway from the conversation was that there are, of course, a number of “tables.” At each should sit those who are relevant and who can be helpful in effecting change – change in relation to that particular table. In order to properly set such a table, one would need to be connected to their Ikigai.
Ikigai: the source of value in one’s life or the things that make one’s life worthwhile.
~ Noriyuki Nakanishi, ‘Ikigai’ in older Japanese people, Osaka University Medical School
I used to get irritated with myself because I didn’t feel particularly committed to any table. What kind of terrible person am I?, I’d think to myself. What is my “thing”? I don’t have a thing. Other people say that they “live for” X or that something like music, for example, is their heart and soul. What’s mine? What’s my heart and soul? What’s my cause?
There were causes that I found to be good, well-intended, or somewhat interesting. But I didn’t feel ikigai-style connected to anything.
Frankly, I don’t care about every cause. Certain things just don’t pull at my heartstrings and I’m not going to pretend that they do because it looks or sounds good. I can acknowledge the value of a range of causes, but I can’t say that I find them all to be productive enough for me to want to allocate any of my time or talents in pursuing them. There are all kinds of people in the world and if we all cared about the same things, there’s a lot that wouldn’t get done – a lot of groups that wouldn’t get attention and a lot of actions (whether small or large) that would go untaken.
I realize that it’s not that I don’t have a cause or don’t care about other people. I do have a couple of Ikigai causes that matter to me. I do care about certain things. I care about people realizing their dreams and helping them do that. The demonstration of excellence and seeing someone manifest the fruits of their sacrifice are things that make me cry – literally. Hearing the story of someone who worked . . . and worked . . . and worked in order to see their desired result is something that I truly admire and will gladly support.
I once heard Oprah say that she likes helping people “who want it.” She doesn’t spend time trying to get people to have a dream or a desire. For those who already have a dream or desire, she likes to help them bring it to fruition. I’m the same way (at my very non-Oprah level). I can’t want it more than you do. But, if you do want it, and I am able to help or inspire you in getting it, then that’s what I’m happy to do.
My desire is to one day be able to educate and empower people in ways that truly alter their lives. That’s why I am such an advocate for entrepreneurship. I’ve seen how entrepreneurship can help to level a playing field. I come from an immigrant family and business ownership has been very empowering for not just my parents, but many other members of my family and for friends of the family.
I care about women’s reproductive health, too, because I’ve struggled for years with demon fibroids that have attacked my uterus. I’m always happy to share with others the decisions I’ve made around the treatment of these alien tumors – the money I’ve spent, the procedures I’ve had, and my thoughts around what I would do differently. If I had more time, I’d create a blog, book, series of videos or something just sharing with other women my experience and the knowledge that I’ve gained.
I also have a heart for felons, though I’m not a felon, nor is anyone who is close to me. I feel for felons (of course, not all, but some) because one decision, or a series of decisions, has paralyzed them for the rest of their lives. It seems that many of them, once out of prison, are struggling to provide for themselves and their families. A felon is disqualified from obtaining certain kinds of professional licenses. Many companies don’t want to hire them, either. They apply for job after job, only to find that their one decision (perhaps the sale of just a little too much weed years ago) cripples their ability to provide. That failure to adequately provide for themselves and their families often leads to decreased self-esteem and the poor decisions that can be attached to that state of being.
I believe that many, if not most, societal issues are fundamentally linked to a lack of economic wherewithal. Again, entrepreneurship is a way to level the playing field where many people can’t even get into the game. Fighting for low-wage jobs (the kind of jobs that are available to felons) isn’t a good long-term strategy, in my opinion. I’d love to be able to help felons become self-employed and/or own actual business enterprises. I’d do this by assisting them in getting into skilled tradespersons programs and in forming and developing businesses of their own. My legal, business and real estate background would be a valuable resource in that regard.
Alas, there are only so many hours in a day.
This debt shit has pervasive consequences.
~ Single Girl
This debt shit has pervasive consequences. It affects a range of life decisions – particularly how one spends their time and money. When your time is limited, there’s only so much of it that can be given away. The same is true when it comes to disposable income.
Contrary to what I used to say to myself, it’s not that I’m some careless person who has no real fire or interest in anything or anyone. I’m just so consumed by the hole I’m in that I’m not being as generous a person as I’d truly like to be. I can’t work my butt off, take care of myself physically and mentally, maintain relationships, delve deeply into a cause and, somehow, not have some kind of nervous breakdown. I don’t really see how that would work. So some things just won’t get much attention for a while. I need to get out of this debt so that I can get more into my Ikigai.
What is your ikigai? What keeps you from pursuing it . . . or pursuing it more? Is it extreme debt? A romantic relationship that is sucking the life out of you? A job that takes up all of your time, but doesn’t align at all with what you want to do with your life? Do you keep saying “yes” to things that aren’t that important to you, while rejecting the things that truly matter?