Single Girl Slays Debt – Page 2 – Paying Off Tsunami-Sized Debt as a Single Woman

Is a $1,000 Baby Emergency Fund Enough?

March 13, 2020 by tanya

Photo by Fusion Medical Animation on Unsplash

It’s crazy out in these streets right now. The President has declared a national emergency and has restricted air travel to and from 26 countries. The Dow Jones Industrial Average posted the largest single-day drop since the 2008 economic downturn. Major events like the SXSW (South by Southwest) concert and Coachella have either been cancelled or postponed several months. The rest of the NBA (National Basketball Association) season has been suspended. Schools are closed. Disneyland, for God’s sakes, is closed! Worst of all, toilet paper on a store shelf is nowhere to be found. You can’t even get it from Amazon.

Though I’m not panicked, I’m now in a state of being reactive. I feel the need to obtain a bunch of household supplies because I’m concerned that they won’t be available in a few days or next week when I need them. I hadn’t planned on doing this, but am doing it now. Why? Well, because everyone else is taking all the stuff.

This comes amid concerns about the spread of the coronavirus in countries around the world, including the United States. It has now, officially, been declared a pandemic. What concerns me about this situation is not the virus itself (except to the extent that it could impact my parents and other elderly loved ones), but how people are responding to it. The level of fear and the corresponding actions that are being taken in response to it are concerning.

Though I’m not panicked, I’m now in a state of being reactive.
~ single girl

Seeing how people are responding and the corresponding changes that are being made in business, and general life in the United States, is making me ask myself, “Is $1,000 enough?” Considering the fact that I work for myself, will I be okay if things continue as they have been?

Anyone familiar with Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover program knows that he advocates a baby emergency fund of $1,000 as the first among several baby steps to financial freedom. The idea is to use the small emergency fund to “cover those unexpected life events you can’t plan for.” In other words, this is supposed to cover those things that you cannot see coming . . . or that surprise you.

Among the exceptions to the $1,000 fund amount are situations in which an emergency is clear and eminent – an emergency for which $1,000 simply would not be sufficient. I’ve heard Dave identify such an emergency situation as one where, for example, someone has a baby coming and doesn’t have insurance coverage or when one knows that they will be losing their job.

(1) Given what is happening now, I’m asking myself some questions.

(2) Is the corona virus and the mayhem it is causing a sufficient emergency to justify saving more?

(3) For those who are self-employed, should one have a higher amount?

(4) Is a $1,000 emergency fund sufficient for someone in extreme debt (over $300,000) like me?

How will this impact my business? Can I turn it into a positive situation? If things continue as they are, will I have enough money? I do not want to borrow. I’ve turned over a new leaf. I. Will. Not. Borrow.

But I only have $1,000 in my savings account. I have a few sinking funds – for car maintenance, home maintenance, personal care and gifts, but those aren’t savings accounts. Those are accounts with funds for expenditures that I know I’ll need to make eventually, even though I don’t know exactly when or how much I’ll be spending. The sinking funds are accounts that allow me to protect my monthly cash flow by having funds already set aside for the handling of certain life things. While I like seeing funds in these accounts, having the money there is a proactive measure, not a safety net.

Since I started my debt free journey last year, I’ve had only the $1,000 baby emergency fund. Though some months have been better than others from an income perspective, I haven’t strongly considered increasing my emergency fund amount until now.

And nnnnoooooowwwwwww . . . I’m thinking that this is a certified emergency situation – one that would warrant me saving a bit more money and putting it to the side. What these circumstances will yield is very uncertain. I’d like to be in a better cash position, even though I hope I won’t need it.

What financial moves are you making in response to this pandemic? How much do you have in savings and are you comfortable with that under the circumstances?

Financial Responsibility Hurts So Good

March 10, 2020 by tanya

I recently paid the $8,600 HOA assessment for which I’ve been saving for months. YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY!

A Huge Payment to Me

Of course, everything is relative. For some people, an $8,600 expenditure is not a big deal – especially an expense related to one’s home. Despite the fact that I’ve owned my condo for a decade, I’ve never made a lump sum expenditure of over $2,000 on it. It wasn’t an intended rehab project, and I haven’t done any major renovations or upgrades on it. When I bought it, it was only 6 years “old” – an authentic loft in an old 19th century industrial building that was renovated and repurposed for residential use in 2000. It already had stainless steel appliances and hardwood floors. The most I’ve ever done at one time with it was getting it painted and getting a new HVAC unit. Fortunately, I didn’t even pay for the HVAC unit (a $5,500 value) because my boyfriend at the time owned a contracting company and he handled everything for me.

I was used to doing things the credit card shortcut way.
~ single girl

When you’re on a deft free journey, you’re watching pennies and not wanting to spend money towards things that may not move you further along the journey. So for me – right now – $8,600 is a lot of money. I saw this beast of an assessment as a significant hurdle. Between the assessment and issues I was having with my HVAC unit and water heater, I felt like my debt snowball was melting before I even got a chance to really get started.

Doing It Without A Shortcut

I was used to doing things the credit card shortcut way. Back in my Pre-Debt Free Journey (PDFJ) days, I would have simply resolved to pay for the assessment on a credit card, and make monthly payments on the card. The credit card would have been a means for me to handle what I needed to handle (which would be getting the assessment paid), but it would be without me having to even consider an alternative approach.

My old way of doing things would have got my HOA assessment paid and a new water heater installed without me worrying about whether or not I would save up enough money to pay what I owed prior to when the assessment was due or prior to the heater dying or flooding my home. But, it also would have cost me in significant interest charges over the long term.

Now that I’ve eliminated credit cards as an option, I’m forced to come up with alternatives that work.
~ single girl

Now that I’ve eliminated credit cards as an option, I’m forced to come up with alternatives that work. With this HOA assessment, it was saving towards it every month and and having the discipline to put the required amount of funds into a separate account. For 4 months, I saved at least $1,000 toward the assessment. The money went into an interest-bearing account. I included the amount to be set-aside in my monthly EveryDollar budget. And, I followed through in transferring the money from my main personal account to the Home Maintenance and Repairs Sinking Fund (the interest-bearing account). With the new water heater that I need, it’s been me completely delaying its replacement and praying that the thing doesn’t fall apart before I can address the issue.

Doing It The Smart Way

Though I’m so not delighted about the fact that I had to come out of pocket with the money, I’m grateful and happy that I was able to do it. I’m proud of the way that I went about getting this done.

As with all habits, self-discipline is a learned art, and to master this art requires two basic steps: First, you must consistently analyze the probable, long-term consequences of your actions. Second, you must be tenacious in acting in accordance with what you have determined to be in your long-term best interests.
~ ROBERT J. RINGER, MILLION DOLLAR HABITS

The payment hurt, though. Really hurt. The tough part was when I would think about what I could have done with that $8,600. I could have paid off the balance of my 2016 Federal taxes, and had some to spare to put toward the 2017 taxes. Clearly, I was trying to torture myself because that was a really futile mental exercise.

Short-term discomfort or pain is usually directly related to long-term gain. Patience. Consistency. Stick-to-it-ness. All of that matters. In order to become debt free, I’ll have to relinquish many of the short-term comforts and pleasures I’d like for the long-term goal of being out of debt. While I’ve gotten better at doing that over the last several months, I still have a way to go before long-term thinking becomes my instinctive default approach.

That said – there’s a lot of positive that has come out of this situation. The primary thing is that I proved to myself that I can save substantial amounts of money, consistently, over a period of months toward a goal. I haven’t done that since I was a tween and was working to save $60 for a Guess jean jacket that I wanted. Another great thing that comes out of this is that I found a way to have that amount of money ($1,500) in my budget. If I was able to reserve that money for an HOA assessment, I can have that amount of money available to add to my debt snowball. That’s huge!

March 2020 Budget Breakdown

March 6, 2020 by tanya

First, let’s do a recap of how things went in February.

February 2020 Budget Recap

Where I overspent:

Groceries

Budgeted Amount: $200

Actual Spent: $221

Where I spent less than allocated:

Auto Gas	Budgeted Amount: $150	Actual Spent: $0
Dry Cleaning/Shoe Repair	Budgeted Amount: $90	Actual Spent: $60
Pocket Change	Budgeted Amount: $120	Actual Spent: $114
Orthodontist	Budgeted Amount: $425	Actual Spent: $230
Ooma	Budgeted Amount: $17	Actual Spent: $16.55

A couple of notes on where I overspent and spent less than allocated:

Auto Gas: The way I managed to not spend a penny on gas for this month was that: (1) someone filled my tank for me and (2) I haven’t really been going anywhere. I had some gas left over from January, which carried into February. Then, Jameson took me out in February and, without any solicitation on my part, filled up my tank for me. Since I’ve been working from home for the most part, and working with clients who don’t require in-person meetings, the gas that he put in the car for me lasted for the remainder of the month. Nice, right?!
Orthodontist: I hadn’t been to the orthodontist in 5 years. I’ve been using the same retainers I’ve had for all of that time. Recently, my bottom retainer cracked. So, I finally made an appointment to see my orthodontist, have him look at my retainers, and get me a new bottom (and possibly top) retainer. The amount I budgeted contemplated me getting 2 new retainers. At my visit, he said I only needed to replace the bottom one that had split.
Ooma: Yes, I still have a home phone. I don’t trust these cell phones completely. I need back up.

I’ve written here about what I do with what I don’t spend in each budget category. What I plan to do this month, however, is to finally address the water heater issue I discovered months ago. My water heater is on its last leg and has been so for awhile. With the $8,600 HOA assessment I had to pay recently, I decided to wait on getting a new water heater installed until I crossed the bridge of the HOA assessment. With the money that I put into a sinking fund for home repairs (including the HOA assessment), and the excess funds that have been accumulating in my checking account (when I underspend in budget categories), I am able to pay for the water heater this month.

March Budget Breakdown

Like I did with February, I’ve based the March budget on income of $9,000.

I use Dave Ramsey’s EveryDollar software to do my monthly budgeting. Instead of using the premium version (EveryDollar Plus), I use the free version. The free version doesn’t connect with your bank and credit accounts, so this forces me to manually capture every single amount spent each month. I really want to connect with my numbers, instead of being able to simply drag and drop imported expenditures.

According to the summary of spending that appears in EveryDollar, here’s how the percentages of planned spending breaks down for the month:

You’ll see that:

18% of the budget is going toward giving (tithe) and savings
16% is going toward housing
44% is going toward debt

The debt percentage isn’t completely accurate, since my 2 mortgages that appear in the housing category are debt.

In the health, wellness and grooming category, the largest expense is a projected dentist visit. I’m due for my semi-annual cleaning and I also will purchase more whitening solution. My teeth are a big deal to me, so, every 2 years or so, I buy more whitening solution for the whitening trays I bought about 5 years ago.

I just made the second half of the payment due for that beast of an HOA assessment. So, now I’ve got those funds I was saving each month (between $1,000 and $1,500) to apply to my budget. I view this as money that should now go to my debt snowball. If I was able to find that kind of money in the budget in order to pay for the HOA assessment, why can’t I find it in order to “pay myself” in my freedom journey?

This month, I increased the amount I’m saving toward my 2020 taxes. Last month, I allocated $500. For March, I’ve increased that to $700. Again, this is me being proactive in preparing to address the tax bill that I’m likely to have for my 2020 tax liability.

I’ve stated that I pay myself from my business via two different forms of income – W-2 employee income and owner distributions. With the W-2 employee income, taxes are automatically withheld through the payroll system I use (ADP). The distributions, however, don’t include withholding. So, I need to be prepared to pay whatever taxes I owe when it’s tax filing time.

I’m glad to have that HOA assessment out of the way and that I can now allocate more funds to my debt snowball.

How are things looking for you for March?

The Tsunami Situation – February 2020 Debt Report

March 3, 2020 by tanya

Each month, I record the balances on my debt obligations. The amounts shown in my debt report reflect balances as of the end of the previous month. First you’ll see the Table of Debt Slayed. This displays debts that have been paid off since I began my debt free journey.

Further below you’ll see my active debts in the Debt Report Table.

“How long should you try? Until.”
~ Jim Rohn

A few notes on the Table of Debts Slayed:

(1) The Debt Journey Balance column reflects the balance on the debt as of the date that I started to get serious about my debt-free journey – July, 2019.

(2) I’ve included in the Table of Debts Slayed, the balances I paid off for my 2018 Federal ($3,238) and State ($2,819) taxes, even though I paid them off the month after I learned about the obligation and the debts became due. I’m including them the list because they were significant amounts and were, technically, debts; I just paid them off quickly. I previously had not listed them in my Table of Debts slayed but am do so now.

(3) In November, I applied for and obtained a debt consolidation loan, which allowed for the payoff of all of my credit card debt. The credit cards listed, except for the Chase card, were paid off through the debt consolidation. Effectively, the debt was re-classified (which you’ll see in the table below) and not actually paid off.

See the Debt Report Table below for the figures as of the end of February, 2020. It shows the updated order of debts to be repaid.

The difference between my January and February personal debt balance is $2,166.

A few notes about the Debt Report Table:

The Debt Being Attacked

The debt that is highlighted in green is the debt that I’m currently attacking. Additional funds I have available for debt repayment go toward extra payments on this highlighted debt. The additional amounts appear as my “Debt Snowball” number in my budget every month.

Estimates

An amount that ends in a “0” or “50” may be an estimate. Often times, the IRS website does not show updated figures. It will say that “information is not available,” so I make a guess, based on the typical monthly reduction amount.

Three Payments That (Unfortunately) Go Up Every Month

(1) Internal Revenue Service (2017)

This payment goes up every month because the IRS system will not allow me to make payments on both the 2016 balance and the 2017 balance at the same time. I wanted to make small payments on the 2017 balance so that it wouldn’t go up every month. When I spoke with the IRS, they explained that they don’t allow for that. It requires that all payments be applied to the oldest balance due. That is why the 2016 balance goes down, while the 2017 balance goes up by about $64 per month.

(2 & 3) Navient Student Loans (Yes, Both!)

The balances for both Navient loans go up every month because I’m on an income-based repayment plan. The minimum payments under the program aren’t enough to reduce the monthly balance. Once I take down the two IRS debts, I’ll start making payments on the student loans big enough to, at least, cover the interest.

Business Debt

I’ve included the business credit card balance, even though I don’t pay that bill out of my personal income. Though the money that pays it comes from the business, I am the personal guarantor of it. So, technically, it’s my debt.

The difference between my January and February business debt balance is $621. I made a $1,500 payment toward the business credit card balance in February (which is why the AmEx card shows a a $8,800 balance), but the total balance across the loan and the card didn’t go down as much as I would have liked because of the fees associated with getting the balance transfer done and the new business loan. This I view as a short-term set back because of all of the money that I will be saving in the upcoming months by having the significantly lower interest rates.

Up until recently, I had a business credit card that had an APR of 22.74%. In January, I thought that I had succeeded in obtaining 2 low interest business credit cards so that I could transfer the balance from my high interest business card (see Money Move – A Balance Transfer). What I did, instead, was get 1 card that would allow for a 0% interest balance transfer and another card that was 0% interest, but not on balance transfers.

What I decided to do was get a separate business loan with a low interest rate (well, lower than the 22.74% of the other card). I wrote about that here. Now, I’ve got one credit card and one business loan.

Bigger Numbers Next Month

Yesterday, I paid the second installment of the $8,680 HOA Assessment I needed to pay for repair work that our building requires. I have been saving between $1,000 and $1,500 per month toward the payment of this assessment. With that being paid in full now, I can direct those funds to my debt snowball. That will make for a much larger snowball than I’ve had over the last several months. Next month’s debt reduction amount should be much higher. So excited about that!

How did your debt payoff go for the month of February?

The Manscape – February 2020

February 28, 2020 by tanya

This month was not without its share of fuck boy foolishness. That did not, however, make me lose sight of the enjoyable experiences I had. Despite the positive elements, I’m wondering if I should compromise the short-term good for the longer term great.

Jameson

Jameson maintained his full court press this month. We went out a couple of different times, including Valentine’s Day evening. A few times this month, he offered to bring me lunch (both of us work from home). I took him up on the offer once. The other two times just didn’t work for my schedule.

A couple of nights ago, he took me to dinner and to an NBA basketball game. I had a great time! We had an amazing dinner time conversation and a fun time watching the game. (I love to be in an arena, by the way! I’m inspired by the energy of all of the people, the activities and the sheer size of the place.) It was an enjoyable evening.

Before dinner, he surprised me with: (1) a nice candle, (2) a bottle of my favorite vodka (Peach Ciroc) and (3) a new stopper for my bathtub, since mine broke.

He’s made it clear that he wants to take our relationship back to the level at which it once was – the committed romantic relationship level. He’s aware that I’m not interested in that with him at this point. He’s also said that whatever I’m willing to give, he’ll take. If that’s a periodic dinner date. Cool. If it’s a weekend getaway, we can do that. If he can just come by and sit and work while I work, he wants to do that. He’s open to everything and just wants to spend time together.

While I appreciate the outings and nice dinner dates, I’m thinking I may have to pull back on that a bit. I’ll share more on this in a later post.

Whole Foods

Though we didn’t get together Valentine’s Day weekend, Whole Foods took us out on an awesome concert date the weekend before. He bought us the VIP experience (I’d never had that at this venue), which gave us access to a 3-story lounge area with hors d’oeuvres and a rooftop deck. He got us seats on the floor in the 6th row. I danced, danced, danced and had a great time!

He got us seats on the floor in the 6th row. I danced, danced, danced and had a great time!
~ single girl

He texted me late on Valentine’s Day. We played some phone tag during the following week and, when the ball was back in his court, he gave up and waited until week later or so to try me again. He called me on a Sunday asking me if I could connect that day. I was working, so I declined. He’s asked that I let him know when I can get together with him again. My brother is in town. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get together.

Again, while I appreciate the outings and nice dinner dates, I’m thinking I may have to pull back on that a bit, too. I’ll share more on this in a later post.

The Original Whole Foods

I’ve known The Original Whole Foods for many years. Click here for a brief story about how we met. When we dated, we had a good time. He’s a great looking man. He’s cultured, well-traveled and fun.

All that aside, he did some real fuck boy shit. He reached out to me out of the blue and said he wanted to get together to catch up. It’s been awhile since we’ve gone out or even hung out at all – probably at least 8 years. He reached out at the end of January and said that he’d like to catch up after his travels, in early February. I told him that was fine. We didn’t speak or text in the interim.

He reached out in early February, as he said he would, and asked about my schedule. We were texting on a Monday. I told him I could meet Thursday. He said, “Thursday works for me, too.” I replied, asking him what time and place he had in mind.

I haven’t heard from him since.

If I, intuitively, felt that something was wrong, I’d take a different approach. But, rarely is something actually wrong in these situations. I’ve lived and dated long enough to know that.
~ single girl

You might be saying to yourself, “Well maybe something happened to him.” I’m saying no such thing to myself. Though he’s never done that in the years I’ve known him, my intuition isn’t telling me that something went awry. I’m thinking he’s on some inconsiderate bullshit. I take a pretty firm position on how I handle being stood up. If I, intuitively, felt that something was wrong, I’d take a different approach. But, rarely is something actually wrong in these situations. I’ve lived and dated long enough to know that.

Cigar Bar

When I met Cigar Bar he had recently moved to my city. He was focused on his new job, but was also interested in getting acclimated with the city. He said that he wanted to do some of that exploring with me. We talked and texted about some cool parts of town for him to consider for more permanent housing (he was in temporary, corporate housing at the time), as well as some fun hangout spots in the area. We went out a couple of times and, based on the 2 dates we had, I had a desire to continue to get to know him.

Earlier in the month he closed on a condo purchase in the city. Through text and phone conversations, he expressed his excitement. I was excited for him! I didn’t see him while he was moving because he canceled a date we had scheduled due to his desire to focus on his move. Once he moved into his new place, he reached out, told me he was settled in and asked me to go out that upcoming weekend.

That upcoming weekend was Valentine’s Day weekend. I already had plans with Jameson for Valentine’s Day night and I thought I had plans with The Original Whole Foods on Thursday night. So, Saturday was all I had available. That Monday at 5:10 p.m. I told him that Saturday would work. The following evening I hadn’t received a confirmation from him, so I asked him if we were doing Saturday evening. (This was a mistake, by the way. It normally wouldn’t be my style to say anything. Either he follows up or he doesn’t. But, for some reason, I got beside myself and reached out to confirm.) I didn’t hear anything from him until the next morning.

Him: Hey, sorry, I had a long work day yesterday. Can you do Friday? I know Friday is Valentine’s Day and I don’t want to make our relationship more than it is so no pressure if that doesn’t work for you.

Me: No

He didn’t respond and we haven’t communicated at all since . . . and we won’t, unless he reaches out to me first. He’s just not that into me. I can tell that now.

Mr. All Black

Remember, Mr. All Black? We had a date scheduled for a couple of weeks ago. He had told me that he’d be in Miami for the Superbowl, so he set a day and time for us to get together upon his return. He told me that he’d let me know the location of our meeting. Great!

The Tuesday after the Superbowl, he texted me, saying, “What’s up stranger? Hope your day is going well thus far.”

Red Flag #1 – “What’s Up Stranger?”

This is some passive-aggressive weak man talk that I don’t find to be attractive. Let’s break this one down. First of all, the “stranger” reference was his way of expressing his confusion about why I hadn’t contacted him at all. You’re the one who was in Miami for the Superbowl. I was delighted for you and encouraged you to have a great time. Was I, as a woman who just met you, supposed to be checking in with you to see how you were doing on your getaway weekend?

First of all, the “stranger” reference was his way of expressing his confusion about why I hadn’t contacted him at all. You’re the one who was in Miami for the Superbowl.
~ single girl

Second, I don’t usually initiate contact with men with whom I haven’t been out. You scheduled a date, you went out of town, and you said you’d reach out to give me the information on the meeting location. I don’t know what I needed to say to you in the meantime.

Red Flag #2 – Where Are We Meeting?

Again, you, Sir, said that you would get back to me about where we should meet. So, while you were texting and making chit chat about your Miami trip, you should have given me the information you said you’d provide. I shouldn’t have to ask you. I shouldn’t have to remind you (if I have to remind you that you have plans with me, you’re really not that into me).

Our text conversation continued. I told him my day was going well and asked him how his day was going. I also asked him how his Miami trip went.

Him: Day is going great! Miami was excellent, minus it raining just about the whole time lol. My team won tho!

Me: Lol! That’s great! I’m glad you had a good time and your team won.

That was on a Tuesday. Our date was scheduled for Friday. Friday came and went. I haven’t heard from him and I’ve said nothing.

Mr. Nice For Now

I haven’t seen Mr. Nice For Now since November, when he went to Asia for 5 weeks. I told him in January that I wasn’t interested in continuing our relationship. I heard from him once during January, but we haven’t communicated since. I thought I might miss his companionship, but I don’t. I enjoyed it while I had it, but I realize that letting it go was a good thing to do.

What a month. There were some highlights, but they came with some unusual lowlights. Welcome to dating, right?

How did the month go for you? Anything juicy?

Found $500!

February 25, 2020 by tanya

I recently obtained a business loan to use in connection with a transfer of some of the business card debt I have. After the lender deposited the new loan funds into my business account, I started the process of paying off the card.

Something told me to call the bank to confirm the balance due on the card before making a payment online. When I listened to the uncircumventable automated list of account details, I learned that I had $500.33 of cash rewards available on the card.

When I listened to the uncircumventable automated list of account details, I learned that I had $500.33 of cash rewards available on the card.
~ single girl

What?!!! I had no idea I had these rewards available! When I looked at the card information online, my account showed that I had zero dollars of rewards, so hearing that I had that much money available was extremely surprising. That’s a lot of money! It’s just over the amount I was paying in monthly finance charges (about $483/month!).

I waited to speak to a representative and we went through the process of applying the available rewards to the balance of the business card.

LESSON: Before paying off a credit card with “rewards,” confirm what rewards you might have available so you don’t miss out on them.

I’m grateful for this win.

Money Move – Balance Transfer Remix

February 21, 2020 by tanya

Last month, I applied for 2 credit cards for my business. My aim was to use the cards to transfer the balance on the business credit card that I’ve had for years. The balance on the business credit card was around $22,000 and the interest rate was ridiculous (over 22%). My monthly payments of $1,000 weren’t going very far. Out of the $1,00) payment, $493 of it was going toward the finance charge.

I thought that both of the cards I applied for had a 0% interest rate. I was wrong. Both had a 0% interest rate, but I later found out that with one of the cards the introductory rate didn’t apply to balance transfers. The balance transfer was my sole purpose for applying for the card! So I needed another solution.

I thought that both of the cards I applied for had a 0% interest rate. I was wrong.
~ Single girl

I found a company that offers unsecured business loans through Lending Club. Though the rate isn’t 0%, it is still less than half of what the rate on the business card previously was. And, though there’s a loan fee, when I consider how much I was paying in finance charges every month, I’m still saving money. Even when accounting for the loan fee, I should be saving about $100 a month on this portion of the balance of the credit card (approximately $11,800). I’ve already transferred $10,000 of the business card balance to the 0% interest card, so I’ll be saving about $250 per month on that portion of the balance. In total, I’m coming out ahead at roughly $350 per month.

Here are the terms of the business loan:

Loan Amount: $12,000
Loan Fee: $718.80
Interest Rate: $9.9%
Term: 24 payments of $554

The plan is to be really aggressive in paying off both the 0% card balance as well as the business loan. Though I’ve been paying $1,000 per month on the card, I’d like to increase that amount to $2,000 per month. After all, the purpose of making these money moves is so that my payments can make a bigger dent in the balances, not so that I can prolong the payoff period. If I can get both of them paid off by the end of this year, I’d be DELIGHTED!

My goal is to be financially responsible and fiscally savvy when it comes to both the business and my personal finances. An aggressive plan to pay off the business’ debt is a good step in that direction.

What To Do When He Stands You Up

February 18, 2020 by tanya

Most of us know how it feels to be stood up for a date. Maybe he set a day with you, said he’d follow up with a specific place and time, but you never heard back from him. Or, if he’s a complete jerk; he scheduled the date, time and location with you and neglected to show up at the actual site of the date.

Feelings after being stood up can range from confusion and irritation to full-blown anger. Why’d you ask me out, if you were not going to follow through? If something came up and you couldn’t make it, why not just call or text me to let me know? We’re adults!

Why’d you ask me out if you were not going to follow through? If something came up and you couldn’t make it, why not just call or text me to let me know? We’re adults!

~ single girl

I won’t go into the myriad stupid reasons that guys decide to stand a woman up for a date. This post is not about the psychology behind it; for this subject, I don’t care about “the why” behind this inconsiderate behavior. I only care about “the what” and how to respond to it. For a discussion from psychological experts about this subject, check out this article.

I make no excuses for this kind of behavior. If you say you’re going to do something, do it. If you say you’re going to be somewhere, be there, or have the grown up courtesy to let someone know that you can’t make it. I’ve dated enough over my adult life to know that rarely – very rarely – is there some legitimate explanation behind these shenanigans. It’s never been that the guy got into a car accident and was in the hospital at the time of our scheduled date. It has never been that a family member died the day of our date and he totally lost his ability to think or communicate and, thus, couldn’t let me know that we couldn’t get together that day. One time, a guy I was seeing was super late because he saw someone having a medical emergency and he stopped to render aid. Despite those unusual circumstances, he was still able to reach out to explain his delay. And he eventually made it to my house to pick me up for our date that night.

I’m not the type who first assumes there’s a legitimate reason behind his failure to appear. I’m the opposite: I assume that there’s some foolishness behind the situation – that whatever his reason, it’s unlikely to be adequate to me. Again, I didn’t ask you out. You asked me out. You’re a grown man. If you didn’t want to go out, you shouldn’t have asked. If you changed your mind between the time you asked that the time we were supposed to go out, just say so. Don’t be a baby.

There’s only one thing to do when he stands you up – nothing. Nothing at all. You wait. You don’t text him the day after you were supposed to hear from him, asking him if everything is okay (because, again, everything is probably okay). You also don’t call him, going off about how he needs to recognize that no one treats you like that. No.

There’s only one thing to do when he stands you up – nothing. Nothing at all. You wait.
~ single girl

You wait until he reaches out to you again, if he ever decides to reach out again (which he’ll probably do, at some point). If you reach out to him, you risk your message falling on deaf ears. With guys, timing is critical. No matter how important your message, if you convey it when he’s not open to hearing it, you might as well have kept your mouth shut. When you wait until he reaches out to you, you know that he wants to communicate with you. Because he has a desire for you at that moment, what you have to say will more likely be received.

Why will he probably reach out to you? Because he’s a guy . . . and guys do that. He had an initial interest in you and, given that there probably isn’t anything that happened to completely change that between the time you spoke about your date and the actual scheduled time of your date, he still might have that initial interest he had. I think men also like knowing that they can still get the girl they wanted to get. It’s quite an ego boost for a woman to continue to show interest, even when he doesn’t deserve it.

So he stood you up and you exercised patience enough to wait for him to reach out to you again. This was probably done in the form of a casual text message – something along the lines of “Hey, you” or “Hey, stranger.” Any selection of words he uses is formed with the intention of acting as if nothing weird happened between the two of you. He wants to start the interaction with you, pretending that he did nothing wrong and that, if, by chance, you do think he did something wrong, you too will pretend that there’s no issue. Under no circumstance do I advocate going along with his “all is well” charade.

You can either: (A) give him another chance or (B) tell him that, with that one strike, he’s “out.”
~ Single Girl

The question is how you’ll proceed. I’ve identified a couple of potential approaches below. Both involve taking a stance that demonstrates that you’re a high-value woman, that you’re not stupid, and that you’re not desperate for a date – especially not a date with him. Either way, you make your position and standards clear.
You can either: (A) give him another chance or (B) tell him that, with that one strike, he’s “out.” I don’t suggest not taking option 1 unless he does BOTH of these 2 things:

(1) He acknowledges that his treatment of you was disrespectful or, at least, inconsiderate and
(2) He apologizes and conveys some kind of desire to make it up to you (literally, look for words synonymous with “I’ll make it up to you.”)

In the absence of both of those two factors, your best bet is to go with Option B and decide not to deal with him anymore. If he, however, acknowledges what he did and apologizes, the situation may be redeemable. Some guys are so used to dealing with low-value women that they assume that they can treat all women inappropriately without repercussions (because it has worked for them). By requiring considerate treatment, you put him on notice that your standards are not those of the women of his past. He can either respect that, or continue to act a fool – as long as he takes his foolhardy ways elsewhere.

If he won’t even acknowledge what happened, you’ll be on a rough road dealing with him in the future. You do yourself a huge disservice if you allow disrespectful and inconsiderate behavior to go unaddressed. If you do it once, especially early on in a potential dating relationship, you are certain to be repeatedly disrespected in the future.

By not ignoring inappropriate behavior, a woman demonstrates dignity and that she expects to be treated well. I encourage you (and myself) to exercise patience and control over your emotions.

Do nothing. Wait. Be dignified.