There’s so much for which I’m grateful. I woke up today with all of my senses and all of my appendages intact. Some people didn’t. I’m pain-free and healthy (despite the demon fibroids in my uterus); not everyone can say the same. I have amazing relationships with my immediate family. Some people don’t. I laid awake in a comfortable bed, in a home that is well-appointed, that has heat, electricity, and water. Some people didn’t have that same experience this morning. I have reliable transportation in which I feel safe and that no one is threatening to repossess. Some people are stressed every day over how they will get from place to place. I am able to make a living that is well above the poverty line. Though the poverty line is a very low bar, some folks can’t seem to get beyond it. While I’m not at all near where I’d like and plan to be in my life, there’s a lot in my life that is good and that I cannot take for granted.
Another aspect of my life that I appreciate is that I am a single woman. While there are both benefits and drawbacks to this status, for as long as I am single, I intend to focus on all that is great about being in this position. A single woman has unique opportunities that her married counterparts simply don’t have – opportunities for which all single girls should be very grateful. Check out the list below.
(1) Freedom
A single woman has the freedom to go, be and do as she wishes. She can, literally, be wherever she physically wants to be. Don’t like your current city? Relocate. Don’t like your current job? Get a different one. One might say, “Well, it’s not that easy.” I didn’t say it was easy; what I’m saying is that it can be done.
Those without children have an immense amount of liberty. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that you must stay somewhere or do something that you don’t want to do. Regardless of the critical role that you play at your job or in your civic organizations – you have freedom. If someone could take Steve Jobs’ role at Apple, you, too, can be replaced.
I have a friend who, for years, wouldn’t leave her hometown because of the role (a volunteer role!) that she played at her church. She felt that the church organization wouldn’t be able to function in her absence. I’m a straight-shooter so I told her the truth. “You’re not that important. Trust me. If you want to move to another city, do it. They’ll be fine without you.” To her surprise, the church continued to operate and thrive in her absence, while she enjoyed the benefit of actually pursuing her own goals. For years, she Jedi mind tricked her own damn self into thinking that she didn’t have the flexibility to do what was best for her.
When it comes to dating, single girls have the chance to explore. The opportunities are endless. You can date various people (whatever kinds of people you’re into). You can have the sexual experiences you want to have and no one say nary a word regarding what you do. (Caveat: if you’re all up in these streets acting thoterrific, risking your physical and mental health, don’t be surprised if someone who loves you has something to say about it.) You can gain tremendous knowledge from the various experiences you have – learning more about what you want and don’t want out of mate.
(2) Choice
A single woman can make choices for herself without having to consider the desires of another adult person. Really. You can choose how you want to handle every single area of your life – your physical location, how you make money, how you’ll spend money, where you’ll vacation . . . everything! As long as it doesn’t hurt someone else (and, as long as you focus on yourself, few decisions should fall into this category), a single lady has unmitigated latitude to do as she wishes.
Everybody’s talkin’ all this stuff about me
Why don’t they just let me live
I don’t need permission to
Make my own decisions
That’s my prerogative
~ Bobby Brown, “My Prerogative,” Don’t Be Cruel
Even single girls with children have, at least, some level of flexibility. You’re the adult in your family situation, so you run the show. You only have to consider the desires of another adult person to the extent that it impacts your children and their relationship with their father (or their bonus mom, if you co-parent with another woman). But, there’s a lot in your life over which you still have control.
(3) Time
A single woman’s primary obligation is to herself and, if she is a mother, her children. Without having to be obligated to take care of a mate, a single girl can focus on herself. She can take the time she needs to figure out the direction in which she wants to go with her life. She can spend the time she needs to develop her interests and pursuing her goals.
Your time is your own. You don’t have to abide by or be cognizant of anyone else’s calendar other than your own. If you don’t have kids, there’s no running around the city from soccer to dance to piano lessons. If you want to spend a whole day at the movies, you can. If you want to spend an entire weekend at a silent retreat center, you can. There’s also no having to check in with someone else to let them know that you will be home late. I love, love, love that I can take some time to myself without that hurting someone else’s feelings or them feeling like my desire to be alone has something to do with them.
I think we (myself included) get so used to our habits and the things we usually do, that we forget that there’s a lot we don’t have to do. When we choose to over commit ourselves to the projects and objectives of others, that our own fault.
(4) Hope
Assuming that you want to have a mate, be grateful that you still have the chance to find a great one. Being single, you could literally, meet the love of your life tomorrow. Regardless of the relationship and dating experiences you’ve had in the past, your future is still full of opportunity. That’s not quite the case for your girlfriend who was so eager to be married that she married a clown who doesn’t treat her well. Or, the one who posts the #relationshipgoals photos on Facebook, all the while pretending that her husband isn’t having an affair. Of course, some people have amazing marriages. But, a lot of people don’t. Delight in the fact that you’re not one of those women in a bad one. An unmarried woman is still in the position to the perfect fit.
If you were lamenting your single status this holiday, don’t. Count your blessings and have a wonderful Thanksgiving!