Ahhhh, these dudes.
Work Weekend With Jameson
The month started off with the weekend cabin trip that I mentioned in my Low Budget Ballin’ post. Jameson is a long-time friend. He invited me to do a “work weekend” at a beautiful lake cabin about an hour and a half north of the city. He’s got a big project on which he’s been working. I always have plenty that I need to do. So, he combined my love of a getaway with my desire to get things done.
Before agreeing to accompany him, I asked him if he was sure, sure, sure that he didn’t want to go with someone who he knew would be interested in having a romantic experience with him. He assured me that I was his choice.
We’ve known each other since we were children. He’s had a crush on the girl since then. He says that my little just-starting-to-develop boobs were the first ones he ever saw. We were playing a game of Chutes and Ladders and, when I leaned across the board to move my piece, he got a quick peek down my shirt. He and other members of his family were around my family beginning decades ago. As we became young adults (i.e., when we were engaged in our respective college careers), he became more clear and direct about his desire to have a romantic relationship. I finally decided to give us a chance when I was in law school.
Out of the approximately 34 years that we’ve known each other, we officially dated for about 1. He says he hasn’t had a girlfriend since me. (Shrug). Though we speak regularly, we had the opportunity, while at the cabin, to have some really in-depth, honest conversations. I think we both find the conversations to be very enlightening.
Why is his name “Jameson”? This man drinks excessively. He likes whiskey, so Jameson is an appropriate name. It’s to the point where, while under the influence, he’s done some things about which he’s incredibly ashamed. His drunken activities have severely impacted, if not totally destroyed, any possibility of me ever being willing to get back together with him. Though he has some qualities that I really admire, appreciate and love about him, there are a few other qualities that make a reconciliation highly unlikely.
Nonetheless, Jameson and I are still friends. Though he has stated at the cabin that he wants to get back together, he recognizes that I’m not interested in that. He’s made it clear that, whether with him or not, he wants me to be happy and wants to make sure that we maintain a friendship.
There’s a lot of water under the bridge known as our friendship. I’ll share more about it in future posts.
Jameson did a great job in choosing a nice cabin for us. When we were at the farmer’s market buying food for the cabin, he bought me some flowers and a vase and even arranged them while I made dinner later that night. He brought candles for the hot tub and even air freshener to elevate the living environment. He, clearly, made an effort to ensure that we had a nice stay. I appreciate that.
When it comes to the money, he covered everything except the “small contribution” I offered to make toward the food. I budgeted $30 for this contribution, but ended up going about $14 over budget. I took the extra funds from a different budget category to cover the shortfall.
Mr. Nice For Now
The weekend after the cabin stay was Mr. Nice For Now’s birthday. Due to some work obligations, he was shackled to his home office, so I went over to his house. He cooked a great meal for us. I surprised him with a card and a cake.
The following weekend, when he could go out, I took him to dinner. This was the first time, since we started seeing each other 9 months ago, that I’ve ever paid for a dinner date. Remember my position: if I’ve got to pay for dates, I’ll stop dating. My debt-free journey can’t support that. Debt-free journey or no, my personality and dating style don’t support that, either.
Of course, I gave Mr. Nice For Now the choice of the location for his birthday dinner date. He’s a steak man so I totally expected him to say that he wanted to go to Morton’s, Ruth’s Chris or the Capital Grill. To my utter delight, he told me that he wanted to have Ethiopian food because he hadn’t had it in about 20 years. What?! Ethiopian?! Yay! First of all, I love Ethiopian food and second of all, it’s a whole lot cheaper than any steakhouse. It was still a $100 dinner, but it was less than the alternative. Overall, I went $24.52 over budget for what I allocated for his birthday.
To my utter delight, he told me that he wanted to have Ethiopian food because he hadn’t had it in about 20 years. What?! Ethiopian?! Yay!
Mr. Nice for Now left for Asia a few days ago. He’ll be there from now until the end of the year (about 5 weeks). The night after we went out for his birthday, he took me to my favorite restaurant. Next month is my birthday, so he wanted to take me out before he left, since he won’t be in town when my birthday rolls around. A couple of days before he left, he got us a couples massage. It was his first time ever having one, despite the fact that he had been married. I was glad to be able to experience that with him.
He’s been sweet since he left, sending me update messages through What’s App. His time away will be a good opportunity for me to think through where I want this go and whether or not I want to continue the situationship. Really, it’s more about whether or not I want to continue it (I get really contemplative around the end of the year as I consider what I want to carry with me into the New Year and what I don’t). I’ve learned, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we’re not a match for anything long-term. We don’t have the level of chemistry that I would need from a man with whom I intend to spend the rest of my life. He has some amazing qualities, but our visions for our lives are not aligned. He’s okay with working at his job until he retires, not caring to progress and hoping to not rock the boat. That’s not consistent with how I want my life to be.
Hanging with Harvard
Once a month, I get together with my boy, Harvard. That’s his alma mater, so that’s how he got that name. For our monthly get together, we usually have dinner and drinks at the same restaurant in Midtown.
Interestingly, we don’t talk much in between our meetings. We just know that each month we can look forward to getting together to catch up. It usually starts with a run down of his love life. When we first met about 9 years ago (at an event for Ivy League alums), he was in a strained marriage. Shortly after that, he got divorced. Since then, he’s pursued a lifestyle of non-monogamy (yeah, I didn’t know that was a thing, either) and is living his best life. It has been interesting to see him doing him and being who and how he wants to be.
He also has an affinity for strippers and instathots. It’s funny because, as I’ve told him before, one would never guess by looking at his buttoned-up-looking self that he’s about that life.
He also has an affinity for strippers and instathots.
This month, we celebrated his birthday. So, though he always pays for our outings, this time I paid for it. Unfortunately, when I was doing the November budget, I forgot that his birthday meal would need to be handled this month. I messed up.
The Whole Foods Joker Gets Blasted
Whole Foods Joker is a guy that I met at . . . the Whole Foods Market. Apparently, he was on his way out of the store, walking across the parking lot, as I was walking in. It had just stopped raining so it was wet outside. As I walked in, not knowing that someone was watching me, I wiped the bottom of my shoes by doing a little twist dance kind of thing. Apparently, he thought that was cute – cute enough to come back into the store to talk to me and get my number.
In the weeks that followed, he called me and texted me a couple of times. He was very polite and gentlemanly in his communication. He told me that he wanted to take me out for lunch or dinner – whatever I wanted – and he would make whatever time he needed to make in order for us to get together.
Cool. We set up a date for a week later – Saturday at 2 p.m. I ask him where he wants to meet. He says, “We’ll communicate before then.” I respond that that’s okay with me.
So the whole week passes and I don’t hear anything from him. Saturday comes and goes and I still don’t hear anything from him. Now, one might ask why I didn’t just reach out to him to confirm the date and to ask again where we would meet. I don’t do that. That’s not my dating style. As a general rule, I don’t pursue men. As a very specific rule, I don’t take any significant steps to go out with or talk to a man with whom I’ve never been on a date. I definitely, definitely don’t confirm first dates.
Sunday passed with still no word from him. Then Monday rolls around and he calls. I was on another call at the time, so I sent a quick text stating that I’d call him back. In the meantime, he sends a text saying, “Hey pretty lady. We missed each other this past weekend. Hope all is well.”
What?! “Missed each other”?! No, mutherfucker, we didn’t miss each other. You said we would communicate so, at that point, you dictated what was going to happen and you didn’t make it happen. You didn’t communicate. We did not “miss” each other.
I’ve said this before. I really admire and respect men who do what they say they’re going to do. It doesn’t have to be to the point of perfection (because that’s not even possible), but you can’t totally blow it on a first date attempt – especially after you were basically begging to go out on said date. What I don’t respect is a man who doesn’t take ownership and, worse, tries to act as if I had something to do with the mishap.
What I don’t respect is a man who doesn’t take ownership and, worse, tries to act as if I had something to do with the mishap.
I had to set this joker straight. I didn’t hold back. It’s definitely not my place to reprimand a grown man, but I certainly can tell a man what is not acceptable to me, especially when he’s reaching out to me asking to spend time with me. If he had simply said that something crazy/unexpected had come up, I would have responded differently. It still wouldn’t have been acceptable to me, but I would have respected his approach more.
Of course, he was initially defensive and acted like what I was saying to him was out of line. He said I was lacking in compassion and was making a big deal out of something small. Let’s be clear: doing a no call, no show on this girl is a big deal. He initially stated that “something must have happened” to make him not, at least, reach out to me on Saturday. But, “I can’t think of what it was right now.”
Clown.
I continued to go in. When I flipped the scenario for him (i.e., if the tables were turned and I said blankety blank . . . ), laid out the facts about what he had said and how he acted, it finally clicked for him. He became profusely apologetic and finally admitted that he really “blew it.”
He asked for forgiveness and another chance – particularly a another chance at a first date. He said, “At this point, I’m begging. Let me make it up.” I reluctantly agreed.
Today, he’s offered to facilitate a spa visit in an attempt to make up for his foolishness. He asked me where I prefer to go, what services I prefer to get, and what day would be best for me. He said he’ll “take care of it.” We’ll see.
Plans With The Bulldozer
The Bulldozer is my friend who is flying me out to Las Vegas to hang out in December. He’s The Bulldozer because he doesn’t fuck around. He’s very God-fearing, has immense emotional intelligence, but commands respect and will not hesitate to tell anyone what they need to be told. The first time I saw him was at a conference. He was speaking on the stage and I thought, Jesus Christ, this guy is no joke. Later, he came up to a vendor booth that I was browsing. The vendor was selling books and I was perusing one of them. The Bulldozer then said, “I’ll buy you that book if you promise to email me after you’ve read it and tell me what you think of it.” I read the book and sent him my review of it. That was the beginning of our now 17-year, completely platonic, friendship.
The Bulldozer sent me the money for my airline ticket this month. While I normally want to fly at least business or comfort class (I know, I know – me and my preferences), he didn’t send enough for an elevated class seat. But, he sent significantly more than the amount of a regular coach class ticket. The old me would have added a little bit of money to what he sent and booked the higher class seat. The new me, however, bought the coach ticket and am praying for an automatic upgrade. Last year, I – by the skin of my teeth – earned status with an airline carrier. With that status, I get automatic upgrades if a seat is available in a higher class. Hence, I’m hoping for an upgrade. The extra $145.40 from the money he sent will be put towards food for the trip.
My friend is in the process of choosing the accommodations. Right now, it’s between the Bellagio or the Aria. We’ll either get 2 rooms side-by-side or a 2-bedroom suite. I’m excited to hang out with The Bulldozer. I truly value him as a friend.
A Note About Names
These names aren’t solely for the purpose of protecting the identities of people mentioned in this blog. I really use names like this for guys when talking to my girlfriends about men. The name is critical because it provides some quick memory-jogging context. Who’s the story about, again? Oh, yeah, that joker you met at Whole Foods. Hence, the name Mr. Whole Foods Joker. My girlfriends and I delight ourselves in some of the names that we’ve come up with for the guys in our respective circles. Here are some of the names for my dudes and my girlfriend’s dudes.
- Pencil (which represented his allegedly short pencil-sized penis)
- Repeat Performance (because the loving was so good to her the first time, she wanted it again)
- Jerk Of The Year (you get it)
- Motorcycle Boy
- Young Tech (younger and in the technology field)
- Ass Out (I walked outside of my condo one day and saw his naked ass with no pants on. Interesting story. Maybe I’ll write about it one day.)
- Grandpa (he was hella old)
- Admirer
- Barber Boy
I know, it’s so silly. But, it’s fun.