There was a good bit of dude activity this month. I didn’t expect so much to happen over the last 30 days, but it was nice to get out and have some memorable experiences . . . and a couple of surprises.
Whole Foods Joker
The “Make Up”
Last month, Whole Foods Joker and I got off to a bad start and I ended up flipping out on him. Where we left off was him saying that he wanted to make up for his “we missed each other” excuse for his no call, no show shenanigans for the first date we had scheduled. Well, he did what he said he would do. A couple of days after he said that he would set up the spa visit for me, I received a text from him telling me to go ahead and book my massage at the hotel spa that was my preferred choice.
When I called the hotel, they were expecting my call. The representative at the hotel mentioned that Whole Foods Joker had actually gone into the hotel to make arrangements for the service. This is notable because he took the time and effort to physically do to the hotel (it’s not near his side of town), choose the longer vs. shorter massage offered and pay for it. I appreciated him doing this. After booking the appointment, I sent him the following message:
I scheduled my appointment. It is not lost on me that you physically went to the hotel to make arrangements. Like I said, I really respect people’s times, so I want you to know that I acknowledge and appreciate both your time and effort. It appears that you really meant what you said.
His response: Thanks and it won’t happen again. I appreciate you to the max and we just met. You reminded me of a principle that I live by, which is no excuses, no matter what the circumstances when it’s humanly possible! So far I really like you and I have a strong feeling that we’re going to become great friends.
The Birthday
Later that week, I celebrated my birthday. Whole Foods Joker forgot to reach out to me on that day, even though we previously discussed it. After my birthday passed and we were texting, he asked me about getting together during the upcoming weekend. When I mentioned that I had birthday plans for the weekend, he immediately became apologetic for forgetting to reach out to me the day before (my actual birthday). He noted that we had spoken about my birthday a couple of times, so he felt that he was definitely remiss for not remembering to say anything to me on the actual day. “I’ll have to make it up to you again,” he said.
The next day, I got a call from one of the receptionists at my business club stating that they had “something” there for me.
“Is this something I need to come and pick up today?” I asked.
“I would,” she responded.
He sent the bouquet of flowers pictured above.
A Lovely Surprise
Right before Christmas, Whole Foods Joker took me to lunch at my favorite high-end Thai restaurants. It was a cool, relaxed and pleasant lunch. While there, he said that, though he doesn’t want to push in any way, he does like me and wants to continue our communication and interaction.
He also asked me if I would feel uncomfortable if he gave me a Christmas gift. Totally surprised that he got me a gift, I told him the truth. “I love gifts,” I said. “I’m happy to receive it if you don’t mind that I didn’t get a Christmas gift for you.” He assured me that he wasn’t at all concerned about me not having gotten him a gift.
The gift was nicely wrapped in a Saks Fifth Avenue box. I opened it to find a bottle of Kilian’s Good Girl Gone Bad perfume in a beautiful white case with a gold serpent’s head on it. I had previously never heard of that perfume, but I love how it smells. It smells fancy and sophisticated. It is now the most expensive bottle of perfume that I have.
In addition to the perfume, he made a peach cobbler for me to share with my family on Christmas. I thought that was very nice of him.
One more thing: he mentioned that he has tickets to the Babyface concert in March and invited me to be his date for the show. I told him that I would. At this point, I think it would be fair to modify his name from Whole Foods Joker to simply Whole Foods.
Jameson
On the heels of the cabin trip we did last month, Jameson and I had another wonderful experience this month. About a week prior to my birthday, he asked me to provide him with a few date and time windows during which I’d be able to do some sort of mystery “activity.”
They mystery activity ended up being a helicopter tour over the city! I was sooooooo excited about it, once we pulled up to the airplane for the private jets, I was delighted that I’ve had the chance to experience something I’ve never experienced.
He knows that I love experiences, and he provided a great one that I really enjoyed and appreciated.
After the ride, we went and indulged in Cadillac margaritas and Mexican food.
Basketball Ex
I got another tremendous birthday surprise when my ex, with whom I haven’t spoken in years, reached out to me. First, I saw a missed call from him on my phone. Then, I saw an email from him. I could tell from the email address he used to reach me that he Googled me to find my contact information.
Basketball Ex is 6’7”, gorgeous (at least he was when I was with him) and used to play professional basketball overseas. His basketball career ended a couple of years before we got together.
When we caught up with each other on the phone, he seemed excited to be talking. I was excited, too. It had been a long time since we had a conversation. A girlfriend of mine ran into him at the gym a couple of years ago. And my mom ran into him at Best Buy a few years back, as well. I haven’t seen him since we broke up about 12 years ago.
He shared that he married and is recently divorced. In addition to the child he had before we got together, he now has 2 more, including a 2-year old. We caught up on how he was doing and how I’ve been over the years. We reminisced and laughed about the great times we had when we were together.
My favorite parts of the conversation were the ones where he expressed his regret over how he handled our relationship – how stupid he had been when we were together (it feels good when they recognize their foolishness, right?). He said that, though he’s been married, he hasn’t been in love any woman since he’d was in love with me. “I should have married you when I had the chance,” he said. Yes, he should have, for his sake. For mine, however, it’s a good thing he didn’t.
He asked if we could stay in touch, possibly get together in person and be friends. Of course. I have no ill feelings toward him and no regrets when it comes to our relationship. He was never a bad guy to begin with and it sounds like he’s grown even more spiritually and mentally. I’ve grown as well. The energy between us is good.
He also stated that he was hopeful that we could possibly see how things might work for us again romantically. I don’t see that happening, but I never say never even if I believe it’s a never situation. He sent me a “Good morning” text on each of the 2 days that followed my birthday. I haven’t heard from him since. That doesn’t surprise me. I think he expected me to be eager about the prospect of possibly getting back together. I was polite, but I don’t think I gave off the “I’m interested” vibe.
Cigar Bar
Last month, I went to a fraternity event at a local cigar bar. A law school friend of mine is a member of the fraternity and he invites me to their functions. I didn’t feel like going, but a girlfriend of mine has recently been lamenting her lack of male action attention and wanted me to take her along to the event.
There is no shortage of men in a cigar bar. You know how you go somewhere, you see a bunch of guys in the room, but there’s that one in there that you really want to approach you? The one guy in the whole place that you want? That’s who this guy was. I danced with, made eye contact with, or had flirty exchanges with a few other guys, but this was the cutie pie that I’d hoped would ask me to dance or start talking to me. (As a general rule, I don’t approach men, however, I do try to make sure that I’m very approachable so that they feel comfortable talking to me.) Later in the evening he initiated a conversation, we danced, and we exchanged numbers.
A couple of weeks later, we went on great date at a nice restaurant in the city. After we finished the dinner portion of the date, he suggested that we go to the bar and have another drink. Later that week he made arrangements with me for our next date.
He’s a good-looking guy and I like his style. Our conversation flowed well during dinner. He was thorough and seemed very genuine when responding to my questions. He was good about throwing them back my way, but not as good about initiating his own. I don’t make much of that because many great guys aren’t so good at that.
Our 2nd date was last night. We went to see the holiday light display at the botanical garden. It was gorgeous!
Everything was great until the end. When we were giving each other a goodbye hug, I expected him to initiate a kiss. Instead, he asked me for a “night cap.” We’re the same age, so the use of the term “nightcap” was interesting to me. I associate it with old people and The Love Boat.
“What does a nightcap entail?” I asked.
“It would be me coming to your place or you coming to mine . . .”
I didn’t listen to the rest of the explanation. I smiled and politely said, “Not tonight.”
We ended up texting a little bit after we left one another. He said that he went to a lounge that he’d been wanting to visit. He was still there while we were texting. At around 1:43 a.m. the texts stopped. I’m thinking he was looking for someone to handle his nightcap desires for the evening, since I didn’t oblige. It’ll be interesting to see if he asks me out again and how long it takes him to do that.
Mr. Nice For Now
Mr. Nice for Now has been overseas for about 5 weeks. He returns on New Year’s Eve. He’s been pretty consistent in communicating with me via What’s App while he’s been gone. I was surprised by that, but my friends were not. Though I didn’t expect him to totally go MIA, I didn’t expect him to reach out to me more often while he was away than he does when he’s here. It’s a smart move on his part – making sure to remain in consistent contact. It demonstrates that he’s thinking ahead. Some guys get distracted and get sparse with their communication. Then, when they decide to step up their interaction again, they think that the woman is going to think nothing of his negligent behavior.
While he’s been gone, I’ve thought about our situation and what I’d like to do about it. Though it suited my purposes for awhile, I don’t think it suits them any longer. Apparently it is serving his purposes because we’ve never spoken about making it any more than what it is. Spending time with someone who I know isn’t a good match for me long-term and with whom I don’t have the best chemistry isn’t working for me anymore. I can direct that time and energy elsewhere. I realize that operating consistently – and we’ve been seeing each other consistently for almost 11 months – with what is “nice for now,” but not what I really want, is sending the wrong message to my subconscious. What I should be focused on is what I truly want, not a temporary placeholder. I mean no disrespect with that statement. It’s just fact. What I should really be focused on is Vortexy Next Dude.
The Bulldozer
The Bulldozer is a platonic friend, so my relationship with him doesn’t qualify as one that should be included in the These Dudes category. Nonetheless, I mention my experiences and relationship with him because he is a man who has consistently been in my life and has been an important part of it. I value his friendship. In the same way that a father can show his daughter how she should be treated by men, my relationship with my male friends, including The Bulldozer, reinforces some of the ways I should be treated by the men in my life.
What I also appreciate is how, as a friend, he has exposed me to experiences that have been impactful in my life. Though the number of times that we have physically been in the same space is very limited (about 5 times in the last 7 years), the experiences we’ve had have been very positive for me as a woman. What I mean by that is that his he’s provided experiences for me, as his friend, that some women don’t get from men with whom they are romantically involved. It is helpful for a lady’s psyche and confidence when she has consistent positive experiences with great men – whether on a platonic or romantic level.
I’d been looking forward to our Vegas trip and it did not disappoint! The Bulldozer wouldn’t tell me much by way of details prior to my arrival, other than that the room he booked for us came with a concierge and that a driver would be at the airport to meet me.
I received a text indicating that the driver was there at the airport. He helped me get my suitcase from the baggage claim and proceeded to walk me to the stretch Cadillac limousine that he’d be using to take me to the Aria.
The room was amazing (see pics below)! We had a great time in Vegas. While in the room, we enjoyed chatting and joking with each other. We also got the chance to rest a bit (i.e., we didn’t want to exhaust ourselves by running around the hotel and the city nonstop).
To show some appreciation without breaking the bank, I had to campaign to get my mom to give me a bottle of Hennessy Pure White that she bought when we were on our of our overseas trips (we get the Pure White because it’s a liquor item that is very difficult to find in the United States). I also went to a high-end cigar shop and bought him 2 cigars for him to smoke with one of his buddies. (If you’re ever looking for a gift that appears to be high-end, but isn’t necessarily so, a cigar is a great option. This is especially true if you buy it from a fancy store that will put it in a nice bag or wrapping paper. They generally start as low as $10. Even for a man who doesn’t or rarely smokes, it is something he can have for special occasions. I’ve found cigars to be something that most guys can appreciate.)
My flight arrived about 12 hours prior to The Bulldozer’s, so I had a good bit of time to do with as I pleased. I had to get a couple of emails out to clients, then I hung out with a college classmate of mine who lives in Vegas. We planted ourselves in the Aria lobby, catching up, reminiscing, laughing and drinking. It was a great time!
Both of us were IN LOVE with the suite we had (you know how I feel about hotels!). In. Love. Not only did it have 2 full bedrooms, 2 full bathrooms (each with an independent bathtub, full closet and separate steam shower), it also had a toilet room with a heated toilet. After sitting on the warm seat, one could spray one’s front or back, and could have the water oscillate while spraying such front or back area. Then, you could turn the dryer on to get rid of the wetness. This toilet was well beyond any bidet I had ever experienced! I want one now.
The Bulldozer and I ordered room service for breakfast in our living room every morning. We went to Top Golf, had the most awesomest sea bass, king crab leg, calamari and steak dinner at Jean Georges Steakhouse, and saw the Jabbawockeez show. We had a blast! We agreed that the experience was great for both of us and for our friendship.